Found implies...... you were looking???

I do relate, from way back when.

In my experience, detachment is the A's disease and him are two differnent things.

His disease, if he uses or not, is commited or not to AA, going to his sponsor whatever, is none of my business. I don't have any desire to hear about it. I don't care what his sponsor says.

I cannot control it, did not cause it and cannot cure it. NOT my issue.

I have disabilities. One being digestive problems. I am very intolerant to dairy. If I decide to take prevacid and some dairy eez and eat pizza, it is my choice. IF I get sick i don't want to hear anything about it from anyone. I am not a child.

I know the consequences of my own behavior.

I have asthma, great when you have an animal sanctuary. I need to wear a mask when I go get hay. I do not want anyone saying, "hey do not forget your mask. you know you will get sick."

it is no ones business but my own. If my husband found Twix in my underwear drawer and called me on it, OH MY GOD. I would not dignify him with an answer. How dare anyone be in my personal stuff for one thing. I know we fold cloths and put them away.

But if I saw something... not my issue.

I did not freak anymore if he seemed to slip in recovery, I did not push him to go to meetings. If he was commited or not, is not my business. I am not his parole officer.

I see and hear people telling each other what to do. Blows me away. I guess we all have different ways of being in relationships. I don't say should or you need to do it this way. How dare people do that, try to control others?

I know when people are self-actualized they stop the behavior of getting into others business. Can't imagine anyone likes someone else to be watching what they do and don't do.

They have a disease, they relapse they goof, they go to meetings or maybe not. Their sponsor said this or that, or maybe they did not. I have enough in my own personal life to do than to gauge, wonder, and have to hear about my A's disease.

I saw bottles under beds, in my dryer in the barn, behind things all over in the barn. When he was here, I just left them. Now that he is gone and I am cleaning up out there, I picked them all up. Been years since this was, and just a few days ago there was another one I missed. Felt nothing.

For me, drunk, sober, relapse, in recovery, going to AA not going. Does not phase me.

What is does do is make me as usual very sad he is so sick. Like when my mother had breast cancer. We did not have to talk about it and pick it apart. IF she had chemo or not or whatever. IF she wanted to talk about it, fine, and I was very willing and caring.

Otherwise she was my mother, the same mother I loved and teased and a lot of me died when she did. She was NOT her breast cancer and my feelings were not based on her disease.

Same with my husband, he is very sick, I love him adore him. I do not want to hear about his aism unless he feels he needs/wants to share something.

I don't care if I find bottles or needles, or if he goes to meetings or not. I looked at the man I loved.

Sadly for me, his brain tumor removal made him horribly abusive. So I can no longer be around him. Plus he is so retarded he is not him at all. Or you bet I would want to be around him.

Just him. I don't depend on him for anything. I would just love to have him sit by me and hold my hand. Or even call me once in awhile.

Anyway this is how I see alanon as teaching me skills to live with my A. And for a time it was working. sigh.

love,debilyn