The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't even see straight. I don't even know if I can type. I can't stop sobbing. My mother (the bitch) just toloe me she saw my ex at the store with his new love. He was driving. They were grocery shopping. I hate him. how could he possibly move on?? I can't. i want to but i just can't. Heart is broken again. Why? why does this hurt so damn bad? He was with her while he was here with me. in fact he was sleeping with her when he slept with me. Why did he do that? why ws he so nice to me that night? why did he come to me and comfort me and then dump me like this? why? why? honest to god what did i do to deserve this? i gave him 3 beautiful kkids, i took care of him when he was sick,i took him back and forgave him. i really did. i worked my program. i give up. this is too much for me. my heart can;t take it. i don't know what to do. what kind of sick horrifying man does something like this? but why most of all did he have to treat me like shit? like pondscum? i did nothing wrong to him in the past 8 months, in the past year. i wasn't even with another man, i turned down numbers and dates.i mean so little to him, or marriage meant so little to him he bnever honored his vows. he is not a decent human being he is evil and the whore he is with is enabling him to not see his kids or pay support. i honstly don't know how i can go on fron this. this pain is so great. i really believed he and i were connected. he never in the past 8 months even tried to win me back. and the funny thing is i tolod him what i needed. he refused abd just asked me "are we done? is it over" as if it were all me. i swer i cant take it anymore.
I have been right where you are. Seperated, her taking up with another, him driving my car and staying in the apartment I paid for....
She even convinced me one day that she wanted to reconcile, we had a night together and he called.... we were in bed together when she told him she "... loved him too." She was just sick.
At the time that's all there was to it. She was in some other world where she didn't even see what she was doing to anyone else. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. When she is active, the real world doesn't even exist... but it is not about you. He is not putting it in your face, or trying to rub your nose in it. It's like he is possessed.
I am not making excusses for him. Just relaying what I have seen in my AW. You deserve to not live in that insanity, and your kids deserve for you to be sane and show them the path through the real world.
That's why we are both here. What she says and does still breaks my heart... but I make it through that because I deserve my sanity! I have been reminded over and over that I am powerless over her insanity, but my HP and I can hold onto mine!
I don't even compare my AW to the woman I married anymore. I consider what she is doing against the most sick and insane people I have ever met, because to be fair... that is the best she can live up to right now.
I am so sorry you are upset. I wish I could do better than some online reassureance that you will make it.... but you WILL make it, and we are here to help. We love you in a special way. Keep reaching out.
I hope you don't take offense to any of this... take what you like and leave the rest, but this really touched a nerve with me.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I can see how much you are hurting. I can't imagine how much it hurt to hear this news. Hang in there. I wish I had something more useful to say, but I don't. Keep coming back. Keep expressing your feelings. Work on yourself and your program. I am sorry for you pain. Hugs to you,
All I can offer is a hug, and a lot of understanding. I have been through all this as well. I felt the anger and the hurt so badly, as you are.
I agree with rtexas. They are sick people and are not living in the real world. I think they are numbed out from reality. I know my exA was not capable of having a genuine mutually caring relationship with me , with anyone I would say. but boy did it take me a long time to grasp this.
Keep posting and venting. I journalled a lot. It helped. Keeping you in my prayers AM
