The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How funny that our HP seems to have us on similiar roads sometimes? I thought just last week that somedays I wonder if it was better to have never seen them sober? To have experienced the recoverying alcoholic/addict working a program, growing, maturing - then to see them go back to the disease so fast is heart breaking.
In working with my recovery buddies this weekend, we decided it was, like you said, an opportunity for me to learn to detach, and also another affirmation that it is not about me. To use this time to completely focus on MY recovery & turn this person over to their HP. (Geez, I just knew for sure this time my HP was going to ask me for some help on getting this person straightened out!!! - lol when will I ever learn :)
Hate that you are seeing your son walk this painful path. Will continue to pray for you & your family. Please be good to you & surround yourself with good, healthy, self-caring attitudes & love.
Peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Gailey, don't think we've met yet in the chatroom. Hope to do so one day.
My eldest daughter has been in recovery and sober for 9 years with the help of AA. My husband didn't make it. He died 18 months ago at the age of 68. A few years before he died he didn't drink for a few months after a liver failure scare, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he took up the booze again. He refused to have anything to do with AA. Didn't think he had a problem!!!
So I have no experience of this "in and out" of recovery. I totally understand your comments about "better the devil you know".
I don't know how i would have coped with someone going in and out of recovery. I hope i would have found the strength.
All I can say is that with some alcoholics it works. And my wonderful daughter is proof of that. I admire her so much.
So hang on in there. Set your boundaries. Keep going to your Alanon meetings. And i pray that your son is one of those who makes it.
Thanks for your share, it reminded me of how grateful i am that my child is sober today. Sheila
Rita G wrote:How funny that our HP seems to have us on similiar roads sometimes? I thought just last week that somedays I wonder if it was better to have never seen them sober? To have experienced the recoverying alcoholic/addict working a program, growing, maturing - then to see them go back to the disease so fast is heart breaking.
In working with my recovery buddies this weekend, we decided it was, like you said, an opportunity for me to learn to detach, and also another affirmation that it is not about me. To use this time to completely focus on MY recovery & turn this person over to their HP. (Geez, I just knew for sure this time my HP was going to ask me for some help on getting this person straightened out!!! - lol when will I ever learn :)
Gailey;
This is such a tangled subject. I think Rita hit the nail on the head with her response. When my A was drinking, before sobriety, it was just par for the course. Yes we fought, but nothing close to even resembling the fights we have had since his relapse. After that happened, I came really close to a full blown breakdown. I saw my actions as knowing what was best for him. He saw it as me trying to control him. Go figure! I was so mentally and physically drained and the depression was crushing down on me. When I (re) found Alanon and these boards, it felt like a last resort to me. I KNEW that if I didn't do something, I was not going to live.
That this is an opportunity for me to work on my stuff is an absolute truth. That I need to turn my AH over to his HP is an absolute truth. That I don't always remember is also true.
Thanks for posting that. I needed to see that today and the food for thought that it provided.
I think it's better for them to relapse for a good period of time and feel the freedom of sobriety. The only thing that happens if they continue is death. Some can quit while others just can't :(
I know exactly what you are asking. My AW has been a daily drinker for years now. She had a 1 week period (about 2 years ago) where she was sick and stopped drinking. I saw something in her that showed me how sick she really was. It was scarey, and sickening all at the same time.
My son on the other hand is a binge drinker. He will be sane and helpful and cheerful for weeks or months at a time, then all of a sudden.... he disagrees with everything, he has unreasonable expectations and his view of the world around him is that everything must change in order for him to be happy. Sure enough he has spent the days before those outbursts getting plastered.
Which is worse? For me... I see that my son has greater ability to seek and accept help. He is a cronic relapser with some down time to consider his actions and his options. What I see in my AW is so much more sad. She is spinning downward so fast she doesn't know which end is up most of the time.
My version of the truth is those scenarios are what they are up against. My job is to take care of me. If they both become miraculously "healed", I don't want to be the one everyone is worried about.
Take care of you, you are not alone!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
