The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A does not admit he has a problem b/c he never misses a day of work. We've been together for 14 yrs & slowly I've become more & more isolated. That's why I'm scared & anxious to go to an Alanon meeting this week. I have no family or friends for thousands of miles. I often do not leave the house for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. This has been a very graduale thing as I am afraid to ride in the car with him & when we would go somewhere his behavior was so embarassing I just started not going anywhere with him. He goes to the bars of course & it's just so pleasant when he's not here that I love it when he's gone. Also people stopped inviting us & I stopped inviting anyone to the house b/c his behavior is so inappropriate. Now I know I have done this to myself & have to change. I learned from listening to you all that his disease has made me sick & I have to get some courage if I want my life to change. I am so unhappy. I never had any experience with aism so I believed him for years when he said he wasn't an A. But I hear you talk about so many of his traits--like he doesn't talk to me for days & days & days. Doesn't answer if I ask a question, never says good by if he leaves the house or hi when he comes home--just doesn't talk to me. But he gives me money to pay the bills every month (I don't have a job) A very unhealthy situation & I want to get healthy but am very, very afraid b/c I don't know what to do. Is it possible that he does not know he has aism? Hopefully things will change.
Welcome to this wonderful group. When I came here I was totally immobilised and very very dependent on the A. I was also incredibly isolated. The A wanted it that way I know that now.
I am so glad you are reaching out. I also understand the economic issues. I have had many. I still do. Do keep sharing and posting and replying. I am almost two years in now and the more I share the better I feel.
So glad you found us. I do understand how you feel. My first marriage (to an A) was very similar to yours. I had 2 childrenI was raising at the time also. I was isolating myself...and he was isolating me from family and friends. I too believed him when he said he wasn't an A that he went to work..made good money...paid the bills. All that was true, except he was a functioning alcoholic. He was controlling, hurtful and what I didn't realize full of his own emotional pain. Silence is such a painful weapon when used in a relationship. You have made a big step in becoming aware that what you are going thru is not healthy for you. Glad you are here...keep coming back. We do understand..and we do care. your friend in recovery, rosie
You seem to have a very good attitude and willingness to make changes for yourself. Your situation, as you'll see is common. . . I too isolated "us" and myself, even when my A was sober for years, and it was my natural response (well, the 'disease in me's natural resonse) to isolate, and project a fantasy land to others.
Just remember baby steps! Yes, you had your contribution to the current situation, and wanting change for yourself, rather than trying to control and fix the alcoholic is really amazing on your part. You go! Just take it little pieces at a time. Start with the face to face meetings, it's usually a big step for everyone. Stay openminded about your own future. There's a plan for you, like there is for all of us. We might not know what it is, but that's OK, it's still there, waiting for you and all of us. Even your alcoholic.
The way this program works is so powerful it is in retrospect, for me, that I see how big the changes are. This online family and the recovery on this board is more than I expected from a message board. Alanon moves mountains, for sure, even in this non face to face form.
HI there ,u can make the meeting u made it here, isolation is common when living with alcoholism ,we help keep the secret . You will never have to be alone again once settled in our program there is always someone to share the good and bad days with , someone who understands how u feel and what your going thru and will walk u thru it . You need support real support people with skin on em hehe , this room is great and board but your missing so much by not attending f2f meetings . Pray for the courage to walk thru the door , u will find a room full of people who are there for the same reason you are , they Love an alcoholic. good luck Louise
