The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like I'm settling into a routine in the house without my AH. The kids and I worked in the yard this weekend, we kept busy and it felt really good. There is still some struggle with the kids missing him and of course I miss him too. The boys and I have a counseling session scheduled tomorrow evening, hope it helps. Sunday we picked up my AH and went to a new church. The church has a very strong background in recovery and has a great deal of recovery meetings and fellowship. The pastor is a recovering addict as well, but the church is thriving and obviously something good is happening there. So now the kids and I have a recovery meeting every Saturday. My AH can go as well because there is an AA meeting after worship service and Alanon for me. Its pretty cool. We did have a little bit of problem yesterday. AH came home to do laundry and get more of his work clothes, etc. We enjoyed a good day together and as it drew closer for me to take him back he got very upset. He said why do i have to be at the halfway house, I can do exactly what I'm doing there here? I calmly said I'm not ready for you to be here full time, I still have work on my program to do, and you haven't had much recovery time.
He was upset when I dropped him off but phoned back after he spoke to his RA. His RA suggested that he not visit with us at home because it is painful and he will want to stay. His RA advised him that after at least 30-60 days of recovery then he could have a weekend pass with us, but not before then. Made sense to me. I felt bad because I realized after he got so upset how that must have felt for him. It was hard telling him "no", but I just can't enable or rescue any longer. If he is ever to be healed he will have to stick it out even though he may not get program right now, hopefully program is getting him.
I feel like I'm gaining strength everyday. I feel more respect for myself by sticking to my boundaries. A month or so ago I wanted to step out and find a church group but didn't have the energy or even feel good about going. Just being around other people that understand the struggles we have made a difference. So now I have my F2F meetings and something that all of us can benefit from. I thought about it, I'd just be sitting at home on a Saturday night by myself thinking about my problems, why not be around other's and make some friends and gain some insight into recovery. My kids really enjoyed the Sunday school class as well.
So things are plugging along here. I'm just taking it one day and one piece at a time. I have some miracles in my life to be thankful for. I have peace in my home, my AH has been sober 2 weeks today. I have money to pay the bills that I can, food in the fridge, a car that works, a job, my health, so much to be thankful for.
Thanks for listening have a blessed day Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You are doing so great! One day at a time is right!
I play that scenario out on a daily basis it seams. I breaks my heart to have her say that she should be home, cause that's where I want her too. Just not without getting help and getting sober.
Stay strong, and keep plugging along as you say. You are doing great!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Twinmom - Looks like you and I are in similar places. My AH is just a bit over 2 weeks sober. I understand what you mean about boundries. Hang in there!! You are not alone, I am right here besides you!
HI MOM that is a great gratitude list u got started there , keep adding to it , separation is hard I know been there too . but often the best thing for every one as it was in my case . I found out that I was going to be ok with out him and he found out that home was where he wanted to be and became willing to do what he had to do to be here which for me was sober and AA . I felt with AA and Al-Anon we had a chance since he tried doing it alone and didn't work. Luckily he agreed to try that was 19 yrs ago . Two happy people have a better chance at making it work . Leave him to God and AA and allow Al-Anon and God to take care of you . The relationship will take care of it'self Louise
I just could not believe the progress that you have made. You sound exactly like me when I started my journey to happiness. I can promise it gets better. He will see you change and want that. The hard part is that you might pass him up in recovery and may look back and say "hmmmm do I really want that in my life again". That's what messed me up. I got so healthy mentally and physically that I wasn't ready for someone who was "sick" to come back in and disturb what I have made for myself and my children. You're doing everything that I did for my road to recovery and it has all worked out better then planned. Some people choose to stay in their messed up lives while others choose to make the difference and change it no matter how scary it is and you have done that. I am so proud of you. I tell you that all the time. You amaze me and I see your strength building and building. You go mamma. We can do this without them if we have to. We are strong like that ;)
BRAVO Twinmom! You are doing great! What a fantastic attitude....
It's all "babysteps" from here. What got me through is "progress, not perfection." Sometimes during the past year and some that I have seperated from my A, something bad has happened, or life has gotten me weary, and then I would think about how much I wanted him back for someone else to be here, cook the supper for once, take the garbage out for once, etc...
But then I would realize that I was just tired, and I only wanted him back because life was making me weary. Don't hesitate to reach out to a friend, talk about it during those times, so you can stay strong and make great decisions for you and your children. I hear your health in your words that you type. You sound like you are finally really, really ready to do all the hard work that will matter. I am here for you and support you.
Your babies are sad, mine were too...still are. but we all have each other and while my A isn't coming back, we can remember the good times together which is what you naturally do when someone you love is not there. Missing someone is hard, but something we all should learn how to do in life. Thank HP your kids have YOU! You will lead them down a good path, and they are learning too that you don't need to (and shouldn't) sacrifice yourself and your values for a relationship.
Congrats on sticking to your boundaries. Also - How awesome for your A to call you later that evening to communicate his "feelings" with you. We all know how difficult it can for an A to express their feelings. Awesome start for both of you - Who knows where this may take your relationship, but communication is always a good start.
Glad you have found a church that you feel comfortable participating in the activities.
Keep taking care of you - Don't forget to take those deep breaths, relax, and Remember you & your HP are going to be ok - even better than OK.
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
