The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, I made arrangments to have lunch with my ex Á b/f's mom (her and I were and are very close despite her son breaking up with me) What a fabulous time I had!! Our lunch lasted almost 4 hours. We talked and talked and talked. She is by far one of the sweetest women I have ever met. It just amazes me that my ex is such an opposite of her.
I followed through with my plan to call her before I pulled into her driveway. I called her cell, in case he was home and answered the house phone. She was waiting outside when I pulled up. But, her son came out of the front door just as I pulled up. I dont think he expected to see me and he certainly wasnt expecting me to be picking up his mom. Well, he walked quickly to my car. He said hello, I said hello back. Then he went to lean into my window to kiss me hello. I'm pretty sure my reaction wasnt something he was expecting. When he leaned in, I pulled back. Needless to say he wasnt able to give me that hello kiss. His mom got into my car and I leaned over and gave her a hug and a kiss (we always kiss and hug each other hello). You should have seen the look on his face. He just stood there, puffing on his cigarette.
My conversation with him was brief to say the least. He asked how I was and how my kids were. I simply said that we are all good. He went on to ask if we could talk. I said, we are talking arent we? He wasnt expecting that. His reply was, "you know what I mean, can we talk about what happened?" My response was, "there isnt anything to talk about" "Well we need to go, we have lunch reservations." I told him to have a good day and for him to please give my best to his girlfriend. Then his mom and I left to go to the restaurant.
Our lunch was great. We talked about everything. From my family, to the weather, to my plans for a vacation thats coming up. We laughed and laughed over such silly things. Of course we talked a little about her son, but it was really kept brief. She knows how badly he hurt me emotionally but she also knows how much of a drain the past year has been for me. She said the sweetest thing to me. She said how she was so glad that she got to know me and become friends with me over the past year. She also thanked me for all I've done for her son and thanked me for tolerating him as long as I did. The last thing she said about her son and I was that I should accept our breakup as a blessing. Saying that I deserve so much better than him and she doubts he'll ever get his life in order. I had tears in my eyes because I really do want the best for him. Deep (deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) down I think he's a good man and if he can get his sh*t together, he'll be just fine.
After our lunch when I was dropping her off, my ex was outside with his girlfriend, although it wasnt the same woman I saw him kissing and hugging in town the other night. HA, this was a new one. I got out of the car and walked inside with his mom. On my way inside, I stopped to introduce myself to this new lust of his. I simply said hi and introduced myself as a friend of my ex's mom. His mom asked me to stay for tea, so I did. He was upstairs with his woman and didnt come near the kitchen. After our tea I walked upstairs to his room, I opened the door and said I was leaving. I said how nice it was to meet her. I walked over to him and hugged him, kinda rubbing his back. He hugged me back, it was an awkward hug though. Then I looked him in the eyes and told him to be well and to take good care of his mom. His eyes were filled with tears. Poor thing, NOT. Let this guy shed some tears too! God knows I filled a few buckets with my tears!
I wonder if he told this woman who I really was. Probably not. I wonder how he explained his tears. Oh well, not my problem.
I think I handled the situation well and I doubt I would have changed anything I said or did. Him and I may not be together anymore, but I am not losing his mom as a friend. She truly is a wonderful person. Having her in my life is a blessing and not having her son as my dependant is an even greater blessing.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
I just think I would need some space from him and his family, so that I would have time to grieve for myself and the relationship. It wouldn't do me any good to keep seeing him at a time like this.
Sometimes we have to go through the saddness to get to the other side. We are all here for you, to support you, to understand and to listen. Many of us have been there too, and understand how it is.
I think people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Maybe the reason HE came in to your life was so you could meet and get to know his mother. Just a thought... You are getting so strong, Girl...what a pleasure to watch!
