The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"FYI - I MIGHT have 2 go 2 work tomorrow morn - will let u know. But afterwards @ 4pm, Q is pickin me up 2 go and get sum shoes and do sum other stuff. Jus fyi. Tryin 2 communicate"
That selfish BASTARD! He has not picked our son up ONCE this week from the sitter. He has barely spent time with him, and his selfish sorry ass is making his OWN damn plans like its OK! He seriously thinks its fine for him to go do whatever the hell he wants, and come back home, like I'm going to be sitting there waiting with open arms!
What am I supposed to do when our son is asking about "daddy"??? I need money to pay our babysitter and he's sitting here buying some damn shoes and doing "OTHER STUFF"...i mean seriously...
I am proud b/c I DID NOT breakdown and cry...I am fuming right now. I do not know how to handle this.
My ex A b/f contacted me also this morning. And I've been sitting here in tears since his call. Why is it so hard to detach! Sounds like you're doing better than I am. Wishing I was made of steal right about now!
__________________
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
boricuaGA wrote: What am I supposed to do when our son is asking about "daddy"??? I need money to pay our babysitter and he's sitting here buying some damn shoes and doing "OTHER STUFF"...i mean seriously...
I am proud b/c I DID NOT breakdown and cry...I am fuming right now. I do not know how to handle this.
Please, suggestions are VERY welcome!
Hi, the only thing I can suggest is to be frank with your feelings while doing your best to remain calm. Text messaging is a good way to do this because they can't hear the panic in your voice. He might be reminded that babysitters need to be be paid and that kids need to be picked up from them. When my first daughter was born, my H started coming home from work later and later. He spent very few waking hours with us, even on the weekends. Sometimes my daughter would call my friend's boyfriend daddy. I did not have the tools of recovery at that time, and would become angry and upset; especially at night, during his MIA moments. If I could go back, I would shield that hostility from my daughter. Even if he was being a total jerk, it would be hurting her more to see me getting upset. I would follow the suggestions as earlier- if your son asks about his daddy, be frank and calm. "Daddy is out with Q buying shoes and other stuff" or whatever you want. You can show us how upset you are anytime. If this program has taught me anything, it's to expect this sort of behavior and attempt to deal with it appropriately (plan B?). Jamie
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
As you have noticed this is a very selfish disease , A's need s always come first. If you have access to bank account pay the sitter she is invaluable in this situation. Stay calm , we are far more affective when calm and in control of our emotions , argue with him and it only adds to his guilt and it will get turned around and used as another reason to drink because u are over reacting * again * I am sure u have heard that a few times. Why does he do this ? because he can . Like it or not we have taught them how to treat us . please find meetings for yorself f2f .
bori, You sound A LOT calmer in your second post. Congratulations for calming down. Even though your problems aren't gone, it sounds like you came up with a plan to follow. That will help take your mind off the anger. Your anger will be replaced with the positive actions made by you, which will leave you feeling good about yourself. Enjoy that good feeling.
There's something in the water that's just pissing people off these days. I had my share yesterday. I envisioned some pretty nasty stuff, posted here, cried a little too(that helped). I'll pass along my red dress to you o.k. LOL As I envisioned myself doing a little jig on his grave. That said, after I had my fit I felt better. My AH is all about him too, he has yet to learn empathy, compassion, and reaching out to those in his life to lend a helping hand. He is the one who is generally waiting and whining to have one of us help him out. Sorry, the bank is closed... the kitchen is empty, the cupboards are bare, and your SOL pal! Someone very loving in the Bible once said "Pick up your mat and walk on your own". Now he was wise man.... I think I'll share that with my AH next time he phones.
If none of that works, I scream in a pillow, beat the hell out of it, or go in the back yard and throw eggs at a tree. Its pretty cathartic. Hang in there GA, and keep venting that anger to us.
Hope your weekend is peaceful. Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
