The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just thinking.....when I was with myA I used to post my crisis situations on this board and got great help from you all. This helped me through so much.
We sperated four months ago. He's still drinking himself to death, not doing very well. He says he knows the disease will take him. Sadly, he may be right.
For me, my life is a lot quieter without his constant crazy situations, with me getting crazier too. I have found silence from the confrontation with him. I should be at peace, but I often feel lonely without him. I miss him, the caring person he often was. I miss our relationship, as it once was. I feel bereft. Yes, I am busy and I have a good family and friends. I have so much to be grateful for and I do count my blessings. But I am sad without him.
I am not ready for a new relationship in my life yet. I feel I have to put my energy into my own recovery first. I am not interested in anyone else in my life yet.
I guess this is part of my recovery, part of my growing. I have to work at it everyday. Some days its quite tough and some days I get very fed up with it all. I have to wonder how long is this recovery process going to take. I'm certainly learning a lot about patience and perseverance and the pain of growth. I want to start learning a bit more about happiness though.
If you have any words of comfort I think I could use them now. I know there is a way forward and I know I will get there.....hopefully....
Thank you all fro being there and your ongoing support. It means so much. Yours in recovery AM
You are grieving for the relationship that once was. This is very normal. Much like a physical death, when a relationship ends, we need to give it time to heal. We need to grieve, to say goodbye. Give yourself that time. It's how we heal and grow.
As for the lonliness I know that feeling. But I eventually learned the difference between being alone and being lonely. Relish in the serenity and peace that surrounds you. And while dwelling on the past isn't the always beneficial to us, I like to remind myself when I'm feeling out of sorts, of what life use to be like when A was drinking. I am reminded of how uptight I felt when I started for home. While he was a quiet drunk, the place would be trashed because he stumbled alot. Who knew what I was walking into. When I told A to leave, while hard and lonely, it was alot easier to come home to. I wasn't afraid to walk in the door. I was at peace with my decision. I still loved him, but I was at peace. You did what was right for you and that's what counts.
This is your time. You are taking back your life. You are growing stronger. Everything you're feeling, is natural and is part of the healing and growing process. I love the book: More on the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie. It's a great daily meditation book. You're doing just fine.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You love someone you know is still out there, and they are very sick. It is hard to not help them.
It is hard to think we may not see them until they are close to death or dead. It is a horrible reality.
The lonliness goes away in time. I know I got used to my own life again. Heard once it takes sixteen weeks to really stop a habit. Maybe it takes about that to really accept/believe things have changed.
When we separate, everything is different. So we have a zillion new things to get used to.
I hated grocery shopping with out him. Cried a lot. I felt so alone or more half a person.
But now i just feel like me. I gave and give me what i want and need. I may have to save for or make goals for what I want,but I know I can get it.
I walked to the mailbox today in my overalls and pretty shirt and flip flops. I listened and heard a wood pecker, and black birds. Saw the green pasture with the yellow buttercups blooming, so quiet, nice wind, blew sky. cows across the road, horses, pyrenees, goats, llamas, pot bellied pigs and cats and chickens in my yard.
And i live in my bunkhouse, which is a cabin on the end of my barn.
I thought about how I wanted to live in the country since I could talk and want.
always wanted a horse a dog a cat a pig.....mother and my A helped me to realize my dream. My son helps me to keep it.
hp has given me so many miracles.
for me it was resting, healing, taking naps, being healthy, watching funny shows, helping others when I can. Then i started living my life, my chapter. It feels natural again. Been natural for a few months now. I bet you are about to get there too.
do for you, what is your passion, what do you want to do?? What do you love the most. just for you?
I have a very clean little home, my parrot is free on her cage, a bunny farnworth is hopping around, there is a bullfrog in a big tub, a cat on my chest, a pyrenees on my bed and a basset on his bed.
homemade choc. chip cookies. I am cooking again.
put some flowers in pots, plant a tomato, plant some things you don't know what they are.
get an old something and paint it. What are you into? What makes you tick?
who are you??
smile, you are on your road, I have faith in you. one day, take that one day,do what you have to, but most of all do what you want to, and make sure you do something for your heart and someone elses.
much love,debilyn who always says, come camp at Eden and brush a horse, take a nap with a piggy, go fishing, go hike, golf course five miles down the road.....hugs
