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I once again told my daughter that there's no drinking, drugs, boy friends spending the night, or foul mouth garbage, etc. I said I will call the police if needed. The breaker was that her boy friend is not welcomed here, especially spending the night. She said we were f.... ing pissing her off and she's f...ing moving out. I think her boyfriend was kicked out too cause it sounds like he has no where to go to sleep... I had to do it, but it is still killing me, I cried, went to an AA meeting, ( I,m in recvery myself), and didn't sleep much. She didn't come home and not sure what to expect, I am going to try to get out of work early since my 14 year old is now afraid to be here alone.. I hate this, even if it"s the right thing. She insists she has no problem, so did I. OK it's soon off to work I go, don't want to be there but don't want to be here.. thanks for the chance to vent. later. I need a backbone instead of a wishbone
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I feel you probably know much more about what is the right thing to do, how to deal with the situation than I could possibly say. Clearly you have a lot of understanding for her, and know what you have to do. But naturally you don't want to be driven to do what you feel is right. This is very understandable and shows that you love your family very much.
However, in the midst of this tragic disease, as you well know, reason doesn't often get a look in. Her denial is hers, she has to work through it herself.
well done for going to your meeting, ands well done for doing what is right. I think the back bone is starting to get stronger.
Sounds to me like you have that backbone. I'm sorry you and your son have to go through this. But maybe there's a positive lesson in there for him. He's seen what all of this can do to a person.
Congrats on your recovery. I always like to hear about addicts in recovery. It shows us on the other side that it is possible. It gives us hope. My A is approaching his 1 year mark, and I am so proud of him. I know how hard that struggle can be. I'm proud of you too.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Awesome job my friend. Your daughter seems to have made a choice. Now she will find out how much fun it is to live with that choice. I'm not sure what is wrong with being asked not to drink, drug and sleep with her boyfriend in your home..maybe she'll give that some thought. Clearly she thinks that if she leaves it's a punishment to you. I think she will soon find out it has the opposite affect. Keep the focus on you and your goal with this. You're doing great!
Wishing you continued strength, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
How is it that children have come so far as to think that speaking to a parent in such a way is acceptable? I suppose I would have knocked my son's teeth out, but that was another time, and he would never have dared address me in those terms in the first place. All that being said, letting daughter go is the best thing to do, and in the best interest of all concerned. Christy said it so right.
You are going to be fine. Head up, shoulders straight, and stay firm.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It sounds like you did what you felt you needed to do. Don't beat yourself up over it. When I kicked my AH out of the house, I felt horrible. I kept seeing his face in every homeless person I saw walking down the road...thinking that could be him in a few years. What have I done?
Well according to him, it was the BEST thing I could have ever done for him. It took him a few months to come around to that. He said I should have done it years ago. I wish I had but you can't change the past, only learn from it.
I am telling you all of this in hopes that it will help you through this tough time and give you a little hope in the possible positive outcome to it all. Keep you chin up, stick to your boundries and take care of yourself.
hey good for you. she is crying out for boundaries. I know it is hard. had to do it for my son.
She has to survive, she has to figure it out. i agree with Diva, my mother washed our mouths out with soap. was awful but we sure did not cuss around her. lol
I dont' cuss at all. If my son cusses just talking with me around he always apologises and stops. He cussed sat morn about something f this then f that. He called me sunday and said it was not me, I know that and he sorried. lol that was nice.
if his friends cuss around me I say HEY mother present and I will have mac hold you down and I will wash your mouth with soap and mac will look at them and say she will bud ya better knock it off. lol
She needs you to stand up for you like you did. She has to know you know YOU deserve respect. That is how she will learn.
I am sad your fourteen year old is afraid. sounds like some damage needs to be fixed.
This child needs to know he/she is safe. You did not say which. She needs to find her own power too. Take her to a self defense class, alateen is important.
Make your home so the A cannot get in. It may even have to be some kind of bars if she will break windows.
Have a neighbor ready to allow the 14 year old to come there. if she hears her sister come home, she has a planned way to leave.
Get her a cell phone. I don't trust this guy you mentioned at all.
you know what, you do know what to expect becuz you are going to take YOUR power back.
She is controlling you. We are the adults, this is your home.
She does not know what to expect.
Make your rules/boundaries and consequences and be ready to enforce them.
do not use the words your or you. just puts them on the defensive.
for me:
use proper language clean and sober in this house do chores home at ten call let me know where you are. meet this boys parents!! you mean she is seeing a boy and you have not met his parents?????
I would not allow her to go to a girls home with out meeting parents.
This world is evil and tough. When they need us the most, I see parents loosening up. They don't want their kids to hate them, they want to be friends. NO, you are a parent. well not yelling at you.
All the while it is I love you, these are the rules period.
no arguing.
NO using don't do this don't do that.
It is here are the choices. be home at 10 or call me. choosing not to, choosing not to be home at nine next time. again ok eight her, choice.
make your bed, choosing not to, off comes the sheets, again off comes the pillow case, again off goes the pillow.
think NEEDs she can just have needs.
no deoderant buying, no toothpaste buying, do ya see.
Treat me with respect, or choose to not be in my home or around me.
if they blew it, I said, "wow I sure would not have made that choice." I have to admit, I really do like the,"it sucks to be you."
this is good for all kids, I mean up to 25 year olds if they are acting out.
I did not see my daughter for a very long time. She was so mean to me. awful. no drugs either. I put a stop to that with the treat me with respect when you choose to see me.
was such a long time, year?? well she got pg, I KNEW that was that. once that baby came out, she would understand and be the girl I raised. She even asks me for advice now!! And listens!! She had a bad anxiety thing about the global warming situation.
she listened to me say, today we are ok, we have blah blah blah, we cannot control it, it is not here now, live each day, if there is something you can do to prepare do a bit and let it go.
But honey, save money, save food, and it can be taken away in one second from you.
Anyway we are the adults, i worked with the kids at risk the gun toting kids, the hard core girls. I love them and like them first thing. They were not used to that. I was NOT intimidated by them. I would pull the hair on their arms, told them I would hang them by their thumbs.
i was everyones mom. When I gave them a pizza party my mother came, i have told this before, high school kids probably sixty at the table and many others coming in and out.
My mother always sent my class boxes of apples and oranges and other stuff. many of these kids never ever ate produce....anyway I told them, this is my mother we will not duss!!!!!
so they didn't, it was wild and loud and fun, but when someone would come in the door, f this and that, the whole room would stand up, whatsup man debs mother is here, cool the talk!! lol
You have the mom power. use it. love, debilyn who would give anything to go back to work with those kids.....
