The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...that things are going OK or at least stable. I have been working so things at home have gone a little on the back burner. My AH is really nice about me being lazy (tired from work), and even though we bicker about stupid stuff (like who directed what movie) there have been no tear stained arguments. I was just about to applaud myself for not checking up on his alcoholism. He smells like beer at night, but I know he is broke, not a penny to spend, so I assumed he wasn't drinking very much. Then I got a call from the collections department of his credit company. I was suprised at how high his minimun due was, and appalled by the total ammount. I told her that card wasn't in use, so how could the balance be so high? She gave me a list of transactions in the last two weeks that all sound like him. That card was hidden away with other cards and checkbooks to accounts we agreed never to use. He went through my stuff and found it. We don't have money. I don't even buy clothes and I am trying so hard to pay off our debt. He doesn't work. The more I type, the more upset I get. I have to confront him about this the right way. I was not looking for it, all I did was answer the phone. meeting tomorrow at 7pm, still no sponsor Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Living with this disease really "bites" sometimes but I am struck by your signature..."put me in how water and see how strong I can be". Words to live by.
Take a pair of scissors to the credit card if you have to, maybe you can get a credit card in your name only. Protect yourself...protect your sanity.
You are working and progressing and I am very proud of you.
Still, there is only "what can I do"? The disease has your hub by the proverbial "hang-e-downies", and your side of the street consists of self-care, letting go, and working your program and making life "managable".
In my experience, there was no-where, no-thing, no-rainy day fund, no-anything that would keep my wife from her addiction. What I could do, was to make sure there were no joint credit cards, no joint checking/savings, nothing. Money kept anywhere around, in, about, hidden away was eventually sniffed out and used. It is not that she (my wife) is a bad bad horrible person... what she did or even still does, is just who she is and what she does. It is much easier for me to say that now that she is 2000 miles away, but the concept is the same. Why should I be surprised at the debt? It just is. HP, give me the strength to not stay mad.
with love, your friend cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I know that feeling of just as I think we are getting better than WHAM! But I've learned along the way that these are stumbling blocks. We have to find a way to climb over them.
I have always kept a separate account from A. He knows it. But he knows he does not have access to it. I wouldn't tell your A if you set up a separate account. You have to protect you and your assets. You can use a totally different bank. Call the credit card company and explained to them what happened. Perhaps they can work something out with you.
Finding a sponsor takes time. It's a combination of the 2 people. You'll find one. But if your anxious about it, consider an online one.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Don't just cut the card up, close the account if you can. As for opening a seperate bank account, make sure you know the laws in your state. Here in Idaho, a spouse can withdraw from an account even though his/her name may not be on it.
I can completely sympathize with your financial situation. My H would max out every card we had to drink, and eventually, I got pretty creative to get the bills paid. Finally, my creative bill paying was no longer working and I closed several accounts.
Do whatever you can do to protect your financial and credit standing.
This is what I did when I couldn't trust my AH w/"Our Money". I got everything separated out. My checking acct, my credit cards, my bills. No Joint Anythings. I was the only one working and I struggled to pay ALL of the bills - mine and his for over a year. I quit doing that in Feb. of this year. Now I pay mine and consider his as his. I don't stress over his debt at all. His debts, His problem. If he is broke - well he is broke. If they re-po his truck, well, it is HIS truck.
That is just what I had to do for my own sanity. It was the beginning of the detachment process for me.
Hello, thanks everyone. Actually, the creditor that called belonged to his personal account. It's hard for me to seperate his debt from mine (and the rest of the family) because obviously any money he manages to come by should go the family's needs first. The idea that he can squeeze out $$ a month for his own private drinking account while [insert financial problems here] is so aggravating! And if I didn't make it clear...He can't pay it, he doesn't have any money. I was worried because if he got access to that card, that he found access to other accounts. We do have one joint account for the kids, so far he has left it alone. I think it's time to make that more secure. I would scream if he was spending that. Also, I couldn't stop myself from asking him why the debt was so high. He said it was gas money from driving me to work and the kids to school. Please. I pay for gas. UUUGH, I hate this- thinking like this, nitpicking theese details. Why can't he just go to AA. I haven't even suggested it because I want him to do it on his own. You know what, like QOD (and others) said, make it his problem not mine. And I think an on-line sponsor would be great at least untill I can get one.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
