The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hello, this is my very first time on this forum. i have so many different emotions inside that its just bundled up into this knot in my stomach.
im not sure what even to say, but here goes...
recently my fiance admitted to me that he is an A...almost 1 month ago...things have been occuring that have caused a lot of fear and anger inside of me and he decided it was time to change...
that lasted 3 1/2 weeks. last night he had a relapse...he hasn't gone to but 1 aa mtg...he's lied to me time after time...he's driven drunk...im tired...im exhausted....and after 6 yrs of being together with a 2 1/2 yr old son, i dont know what to do or where to turn.
im here to get some hope that his drinking will not be my concern for the rest of my life....right now im trying to determine if i should stay or if i should go for the well being of my son is most important and my well being as well.
i feel lost, scared, hopeless, angry, betrayed....
i pray that God leads me in the right direction and grants me the serenity i need and answers i need to live my life without concern and worry.
Hi BoricuaGA, welcome welcome! Many alcoholics make fits and starts when they realize they have a problem, just like quitting smoking, it takes a few tries. In the meantime Alanon encourages us to take our focus off the alcoholic and onto ourselves.
Your anger and fears are realistic. And NO, you do not have to have these as a concern for the rest of your life. We have choices. Some stay with the alcoholic, some leave. There is a right answer for you, and going to the meetings, listening to others give their stories, reading the literature, and working on your own self will get you to the right answer for you. In the meantime working the program will relieve a lot of your pain and confusion. You are definitely not alone.
You don't have to do anything right now but get yourself strengthened and educated and enlightened about how alcoholism affects you, your little boy, and how to get yourself on track.
One thing that helped me so much was the saying "I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, and I can't Cure it." It's called the Three C's. It sums up a most basic Alanon principle, that we only have power to save ourselves (and children if we have them). I hope you keep coming back to post, I've found so much support and caring on this forum!
The story you tell is all too familure to everyone here. You are not alone. I find it interesting that we have heard our whole lives that everyone is different, they look different and they act different... unless they become an A. Then all of a sudden there are such staggering similarities when they are active and using. It is quite frightening.
It is also human nature I suppose which effects how we (as loved ones of those using) react. We commonly make excusses, take the blame for any wrongs, we assume the responsability for their unhappiness and basically twist our world into an unlivable mess.
Alanon is not designed to solve your loved ones drinking problem. It can help you find happiness weather you decide to leave or go? Weather he finds sobriety or not.
You didn't cause his drinking, you can't control his drinking and you can't cure his disease.... but there is a lot you can do to improve the quality of your life and your son's.
My wife is an active A, and my father was active while I was growing up. In my opinion, the best gift you can give yourself and your son is to work a program like this one, and be healthy yourself.
You have taken a big step by coming here, keep coming back. You are worth it!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
(((Bori))) welcome to MIP. just wanted to give you a big hug and tell ya to make that f2f meeting. you'll be glad you did. look forward to seeing you again in "chat."
When you go to your "face to face" meeting, or f2f, as we refer to it, be sure to pick up a beginner's packet. You will find invaluable information there. And when you want to, come visit us here online in mip chat; you will find some of the most compassionate and understanding people in the world who have similar situations to share. In the meantime, take a slow deep breath and know that you have now pushed open a door that was meant for you and found friends who will care about you deeply as well as celebrate the joyfulness that is on its way to your heart. Yes, you are going to feel much, much better! You've taken a huge, courageous step. Come learn about all of the steps of recovery, and it won't be long before you notice a sparkle of joy within your heart that you almost forgot about; one that your little boy will respond to in a way that will bedazzle your thoughts and fill your heart with hope. Welcome (((Bori)))
Well you are in the right place. I've been here 1 and half years now. This is a magical place. You'll find a lot here. I can relate to much of what you say. I can also relate to confusion, anger, bewilderment, overwhelm and more. This place helped me through many a dark night and the current bleak days for me.
worth it!!