The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok. So I am new here, for about 2 months now. I am so very hard trying to work my program, but this weekend, I feel like everything keeps setting me back.
A little history first. I live next door to my A, we have been separated for 8 months now. He feels he "is old enough to decide if he wants to drink". I am old enough to decide I don't want that kind of life for me and my kids (3 still live at home-have 4 kids total).
Up until about 3 weeks ago, we had still been seeing each other to share some "intimacy" so to speak. But, it was so hard for me to keep doing that and stick with my program. To detatch from him, so I quit doing that. That was my choice, and of course he was angry about that. But he is always angry when he doesn't get what he wants. lol
Today, I had been printing pictures of our 4 year old son on the computer. I just went over there to take him some of them for his family and himself. He has always been allowed to have friends, I never have. Of course his friends were there, along with a new woman. Not that he was doing anything with her, just the fact that a strange woman was sitting there talking with him got me very upset. And jelous. Why is this happening. I should not be jelous, it was my decision to cut off ties with him, he should be able to see other women if he wants. But, it is driving me crazy. I didn't say anything to them, I just walked back home. Where I am now, going insane. Why is this so hard? Maybe because I still love the man I married so much, and I think he is still inside the drunk somewhere waiting to be released!!!lol I am so insane right now. I don't know what to do. I want to let go of him because I realize he does not want to change the drinking. BUT, I don't know how to let go of him and let someone else have him. I am so confused and upset with myself. I want him to be happy, but not with someone else. Could I make more sense than that?????? I just don't want to fell jelousy toward him. I honestly want him to be happy. I am afraid he will find happiness without me I guess. And, I will sit here alone and become a hateful old hag. LOL
Ok. Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it today. HELP, if you have any suggestions to help me please let me know. I am having trouble today giving it over to HP, and also letting go, and detatching. So these things I have already tried. LOL
Pretty hard, I wish there was something that could make it easier. The only real answer, though, is time, and working your program. Once you get yorself really healthy, you will be able to see how bad he was for you, and will be able to look for better relationships. Until then, one thing to cling to is "fake it til you make it" - in this case, you may FEEL destructive, awful things, but you don't have to ACT on them. You can ACT like a non -crazy, healthy person with good self esteem, and who knows, it may even help you to get there....
Ok. So I am new here, for about 2 months now. I am so very hard trying to work my program, but this weekend, I feel like everything keeps setting me back.
A little history first. I live next door to my A, we have been separated for 8 months now. He feels he "is old enough to decide if he wants to drink". I am old enough to decide I don't want that kind of life for me and my kids (3 still live at home-have 4 kids total).
Up until about 3 weeks ago, we had still been seeing each other to share some "intimacy" so to speak. But, it was so hard for me to keep doing that and stick with my program. To detatch from him, so I quit doing that. That was my choice, and of course he was angry about that. But he is always angry when he doesn't get what he wants. lol
Today, I had been printing pictures of our 4 year old son on the computer. I just went over there to take him some of them for his family and himself. He has always been allowed to have friends, I never have. Of course his friends were there, along with a new woman. Not that he was doing anything with her, just the fact that a strange woman was sitting there talking with him got me very upset. And jelous. Why is this happening. I should not be jelous, it was my decision to cut off ties with him, he should be able to see other women if he wants. But, it is driving me crazy. I didn't say anything to them, I just walked back home. Where I am now, going insane. Why is this so hard? Maybe because I still love the man I married so much, and I think he is still inside the drunk somewhere waiting to be released!!!lol I am so insane right now. I don't know what to do. I want to let go of him because I realize he does not want to change the drinking. BUT, I don't know how to let go of him and let someone else have him. I am so confused and upset with myself. I want him to be happy, but not with someone else. Could I make more sense than that?????? I just don't want to fell jelousy toward him. I honestly want him to be happy. I am afraid he will find happiness without me I guess. And, I will sit here alone and become a hateful old hag. LOL
Ok. Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it today. HELP, if you have any suggestions to help me please let me know. I am having trouble today giving it over to HP, and also letting go, and detatching. So these things I have already tried. LOL
Thanks for all your encouragement. Even though I felt insane, I did not act on it. Instead I took a bubble bath and prayed to HP. It made me feel some what better. Thanks again.
Why is this happening. I should not be jelous, it was my decision to cut off ties with him, he should be able to see other women if he wants. But, it is driving me crazy. 
I didn't say anything to them, I just walked back home. Where I am now, going insane. Why is this so hard? Maybe because I still love the man I married so much, and I think he is still inside the drunk somewhere waiting to be released!!!lol
I just don't want to fell jelousy toward him. I honestly want him to be happy. I am afraid he will find happiness without me I guess. And, I will sit here alone and become a hateful old hag. LOL
