The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This a question which comes very hard to us in Alanon. Most of us are too busy worrying about the A taking on "his/her" responsibilities or doing the thinking for them or trying to think for them. We put ourselves on the backburner as we continually obsess about another. Getting up in the morning and asking ourselves how "WE" feel, can determine what kind of day we are about to have. If we are not feeling that great we can start to do things to change how the days events will occur. We also must remember that we can start our day again and again and try to have a more positive outlook on each day. So today for me how I feel is abit down lonely, that my A is gone, however, I have put on a timer for 30 minutes, and when that 30 minutes is up, I am going to get off this computer and get busy for things that need to be done. I have found when I accomplish things that I have put off for so long get accomplished I feel much better. I will take a shower, put on nice clothes, do my hair and my makeup, and go out and visit friends. Then I will feel good about myself and my day will have a brighter outlook........ "When I got busy I got better!"
I feel G*R*E*A*T about myself. I always do. So he's an A. Not much I can do about that. But I CAN keep my self-esteem high and maintain a positive attitude. I am all the things that I strive to be. I was taught that way. My parents' lessons in strength were not lost on me. I think a good foundation of self-worth stays with us for a lifetime.
As I have stated before, my mother was not a particularly loving one; I believe she loved us, but had a tough time showing it. But she and Dad DID teach my sister and me the right way to live.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 12:25, 2007-04-15
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'm new here, just feeling my way around. I should have come here a while ago, but just didn't know what to say or where to start. TODAY, I feel like crap. A failure. But I won't give up on my son. How's that for a start?
I'm new here too, and I'm sure you will receive kindness and support here.
Today I'm also feeling a bit down, it's my son's 27th birthday and I've tried contacting him. I sent him a text wishing him a happy birthday, as that was the only way of communication not knowing where he's living now makes it difficult.
Guess I'll just have to leave it at that, until he decides if he wants to reply or not.
It's also good to hear when other people's lives are good too!
For those who are new here,,,,,"welcome & (((((hugs))))". You are in the right place, and there is alot of experience , strength and hope (ESH) here. If you can keep an open mind, there is help. Alanon may not answer or give solutions to all your problems , however going to meetings regularly will give you the strength to go on day to day, solving your own problems your way.We who come to alanon total strangers, but drawn together by a common bond, we are affected by anothers addictions, may it be alcohol or drugs. It does work and YOU can start to live again whether the "A" (addict/alcoholic) is still drinking or not. So welcome,,there is hope! Keep coming back, as it works if you work it ,,and YOU are worth it!!!!
Welcome newbies, I think we were all pretty well at the ends of our ropes when we found this board. My whole life has changed for the better since I started coming here. There's so much awesome support and love here and most of us sure can relate to what you're going through. Keep coming back! Love, TLC
Hmm . . . I've been thinking about this all morning. How do I feel about myself today? Honestly, I've felt sorry for myself today, in a 'place' the past few days that has been negative and painful, with a few moments of blessed peace, so I know it's there.
In spite of this :D I have kept in mind that staying busy REALLY helps me too, and I feel proud of myself that I've stayed busy IN SPITE of the seduction of collapsing into depression (hello darkness my old friend . . .). I feel proud of myself that I am structuring my environment with little sources of comfort that make me smile. When I caught myself smiling, I started grinning 'on purpose' (I was alone in my room). Even when my mouth is a thin line and my eyebrows have fallen down over my face, smiling made a tingle in my chest. It is not possible to smile and be depressed, even if it is a fake, goofy smile at no one :D .
I feel proud of myself that in spite of living with a 13 y/o brat in an adult male's body, I keep reaching out for HP, I keep being willing to not focus on what he's done already today that I got angry over, had to fix (again), had to set limits with him again, and have them ignored or laughed at. I keep turning it over and over and over. I'm really glad that I'm remembering BlueCloud's post about allowing feelings 'to be', and rush through me, and let them go.
Before I began Alanon again this time through, this same kind of crap went on, and often was worse. I was not using any principles of Alanon at all, and that was a hell I never have to go back to. The crap hasn't changed, but I have, and I am grateful, to myself, for being willing. So I'm feeling pretty happy with myself for continuing to choose health and strength, in spite of it all. And that I'm willing to keep on doing it, even if it yields a few moments of peace between storm fronts.
Some days are good and some not so good. When I think of the 37 years that I have been with my a and he hasn't changed only gotten worse, I blame myself as I thought I could save him. (not so much)
I also blame myself for my sons childhood. I blame myself for only having one child as he was lonley all the time. My son told me one time, Mom you are the happiest person I know, I told him you have a choice.... I have 9 siblings and we had no money, I told myself if I ever have any children they will not want for anything. That was wrong. I know my sons appreciated everything we did for him but I know I could have done better. I am sorry that my son had to live with an a for 22 years. I know he must have his own stuff to deal with. Count you blessings everyday. Thanks.
For some reason, the word suspicion comes to mind as a topic. I was reading the thread about how do you feel about yourself.
There are two stories to this. First one is, I have always been distrustful of people in general. Not usually to the point where I can't function, but it invades my head at times. In my program I have learned that most of the time, other people aren't really thinking about me, or plotting against me (or for me). They are thinking about their own lives, their own problems. I used to think any time I saw people go into a room and close the door, they were talking about me... LOL.
The other part of this is that I have to constantly question my own motives. When I feal uneasy, and it seems to be someone else's fault, I can almost always trace it to myself - my old behaviors coming back. If I look to other people to make me happy, I am going to be in a perpetual state of disappointment, anger, and frustration, and then look back and wonder where my life went.
Being suspicious of others is mostly a waste of time. That doesn't mean you should ignore the guy in the ski mask creeping up the back porch... LOL... but sitting around all day wondering what other people are thinking about me, or saying about me is really me living their lives, while mine goes by unnoticed. My sponsor pointed out to me years ago, that those people are probably not, at that moment, whining to their sponsors about ME.
But being suspicious of myself can be a good thing. Understanding my motives requires observing them, and tearing down the walls I build to hide my own motives from myself. It may not change what I decide to do, but if I proceed with my choice in full choice and awareness, then I'm not setting a trap for myself to fall into farther down the road.
t?
