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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> need help, heart is breaking
Post Info TOPIC: need help, heart is breaking
hippietrippiechick


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need help, heart is breaking
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I was crying like crazy last night, because I guess I was letting My A get the best of me. He has women friends that come visit him. My dad says as a man, from what I told him, Charlie is getting his censored.gif whipped somewhere else. Even when the time came (after 6 weeks of waiting), we still haven't had sex. I had called the wife he's been separated from for over 16 years back to give he his number/room #. I called back, and he was in a major tizzy. I did something wrong, he said. She told me her kids wated to talk to him, & he said he never got to, cuz she pitched a fit about me telling her his drinking was worse and I was worried. It's a BS ":HE SAID/SHE SAID" thing.
I CALLED back twice, and on the third time a moman answered the phone for him, saying he didn't want to talk. I called back, and said to the girl, : don't play me. I NEED to talk to someone I love & care about---no dice. I finally got him later, and he said he still loved me, would see me today, and we had somethings " serious" to talk about.

I hate this.
At least today when I woke up I remembered what works, gave my day to God.
Got te house swept, most of the dishes done. My kid is coming today, but we will ALL butt heads when Charlie gets here. She can't stand him cuz he is a drunk, and tells me to forget about him and live my own life. A 15 yer old may have more common sense in some areas I do not yet. hhmm..... something to think about
 


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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
Diva


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Sounds like it's time to move on Hippietrippie.  Playing this self-demeaning game is going to do you no good.  It only sees you stooping to a level to which you should not want to go. Fifteen-year-old daughter's opinion is worth heeding.  Hang in there.  You'll be fine.  It takes time.

With caring,

Diva

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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
carolena


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(((((((Hippie))))))) You and your daughter don't need all this turmoil. I can only suggest that you spend time reading on detachment. It's not easy to detach and it takes some time. Reading helps me when I need to detach and going online to read about detachment is another way to find great articles on it.

My prayers are with you. I'm sorry for your pain. You have a smart daughter but you're her mother and you need to focus on her and not have her go through this with you.

Take care of yourself and your daughter. Go do something fun.

Buy yourself a rose.

Take what you like - leave the rest.





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Sunny2007


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Is your pain bad enough yet?
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This is blunt and I intend it to be blunt ... but never mean.  This is offered to help you, not hurt you.  Take what you can use and leave the rest.

In my Experience, which I offer you as a grateful member of Al-Anon ...

It's hard for me to focus on myself instead of others.  When I say focus on myself, I mean I stop thinking about other people.  I stop talking about other people.  Every time my mind goes to another person I bring it back to myself.  For example, I am writing this to you after reading your post and then returning my mind to myself by asking my inner wisdom and my inner guidance to show me whether replying to you would be beneficial to *me*.

When the pain I'm in is not as great as it has been the past month, then I can fall back into focusing on others, believing I can fix them.  No, no, no!  ALL I can do is offer my Experience, Strength, and Hope.

Some of my friends offline who aren't in Al-Anon tell me they wish they had the peace of mind and strength I have to deal with what I have had.  I love them.  I share with them what helped me.  They tell me they are desperate but not ready to do the things that helped me. 

The only way I stay sane in the face of that is to remind myself, "When the pain is great enough, most people will do something that is hard for them to do.  Till then, who knows?  Maybe they'll do something that makes their pain get worse.  Well, then when the pain is bad enough, maybe they'll 'come to' ... come to their senses, come to their relief, come to their new life.  My part is to release this person to her/his higher power."

When your pain is bad enough that you can stop posting about the drama, then I'm willing to listen again.

Grateful member of Al-Anon,
Sunny



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maresie2


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RE: need help, heart is breaking
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Well I can definitely relate to love addiciton and fear of abandonment. I know detachment is pretty hard stuff.  I know it was terribly difficult for me to learn The A I was with did a thing called splitting he split people apart. I was always the bitch left out there. That was the role I learned as a child.  Eventually I got tired of being labelled that.  I also saw that the A wanted someone to blame.  He has no responsibility.  Taking on my own responsibility has been tremendously difficult.

I can very very very much relate to your abandonment issues.  I know it is possible to work through them. I think the pain of that has been so tremendous for me.  I also feel free.

Maresie.



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maresie
aunitedway


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((htC)))  its one day at a time.   and you are  where you are .   blessed to be in your own home    where You can set the boundaries.     you do know what is going to be best for yourself.   take it slow and simple.  one foot in front of the other.   lalalalala.


 smile.gif   chaos, and instability do not make a safe and loving atmosphere.  which i see You (and your daughter)  are  both hurting for peace and love for one anothers lives.  she knows of your in the program.. (Alanon) 

you decide.  not through   asking in  prayers.  
(i mean  no offense)      but with   decisions    and then extra  extra   prayers on top of it all  to make it be so.   AND keep moving forward.    and   Keep Looking uPbiggrin.gif

Work It* IT Works* Your Worth IT biggrin.gif

much love to you   know your loved.   do good for aww.gifyour self. smile.gif you deserve it.

-- Edited by aunitedway at 19:50, 2007-04-14

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AndiLynn


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(((((stacey)))))

Detach, detach, detach, lol. I know sometimes its so much easier said than done! Some days are worse than others, but I am sure tomorrow will be better.
You said he has other women around him, and obviously with him where he is staying. I am in no way trying to tell you what to do, but as far as a sexual relationship with him?????? Well maybe it's best you aren't having one with him at this point. For one.....who knows who he is with and secondly sometimes we hold false hopes when we hang on to that aspect of a relationship.

I am glad to hear you are up and around and are able to get somethings done around the house. I know for me, when my house is clean and in order I feel better. Who wants to live with their surroundings echoing how they feel about their life on a bad day? (confusion, chaos and disorder) I know I surely don't.

Just accept today for what it was......a bad one, and know that with your HP's guidance and focus on yourself tomorrow can be happier. smile

Andi

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Andi
gardengal


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Perhaps its time to not call him and let him start wondering what you are up to, and you start living your life to the fullest. Live and Let Live.................

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gardengal
TLC2


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I think Gardengal summed up whatever I had to say, Take care of you!! Love TLC

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Sending lots of TLC2U
hippietrippiechick


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thank you all you have given me a lot of good suggestions anmd comforting insight.

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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
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