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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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My A b/f, just released from jail picked up our daughter from school. The school called to ask me if it was okay after they left. I asked if he had a car seat, sort of on automatic pilot and she said hold on and ran outside. They were already gone. I asked what kind of car they were in and she said she wasn't sure, but it was gray. I da*n near had a heart attack.
We had an arrangement a couple months ago, that he would get her from school and he would go to his sister's house. Thankfully he called while the school was on the phone with me the second time. They were at his sister's house. He expects me to pick them both up and take everyone home when I am off work. It was all I could do not to run out of here and drive to his sister's house.
I told him that I would pick up our daughter after my meeting tonight. It would be around 7:30 pm. He said he still had his car at the house. I asked if he had been to the house and he said no. So, he hasn't seen the changed locks, list of my boundaries in his car, the change of address form from the post office or all his stuff in the garage.
He kept saying, your coming to pick up our daughter over and over. I relented and said and to see him too. He said to pick us both up. I told him I would see him at 7:30 tonight.
When I was on the phone with him on my cell phone and the school on my desk phone, she heard me ask him if he had a car seat. He told me that they walked to his sister's house. When I got off with him, I told the school that I thought she was fine. They said they wouldn't let it happen again, but that, he definately drove off in a car. I told her that I believed her and that he lies.
I guess I will still go to my meeting tonight. I will need that strength to deal with him when I go to get my daughter.
We will all say prayers for you and your daughter. Keep coming. Keep posting. It really helps to see things in black and white. Fears can be paralyzing. Courage is fear that has said it's prayers.
Love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Am I reading this correctly?? Your A picked up your daughter from the school without your knowledge????
The school let you know AFTER he picked your daughter up??
His name wasn't on the list???? Did the school personnel know he had been in jail???
You don't know whether or not he used a car seat for your daughter?? If you don't know, then it sounds to me like you believe he would pick her up without a car seat!!
Your mother was scheduled by you to pick your daughter up from school and she does use a car seat???? You trust your mom and she's on the list so it's fine for her to pick up your daugther.
How frightening is right!!
Your intuition was correct, wasn't it? He did exactly what you were afraid he'd do??
It took me a long time to trust my intuition and I still slip up sometimes.
So now it's time to set those boundaries for him in place. He won't like it so keep yourself safe.
I'll be praying that it goes as smoothly as possible for you.
This violation of your boundaries that he has done will keep reminding you to be firm with the boundaries you've set. So, it'll work for good in the long run and will keep your daughter safe.
Well first of all I concur with others your daughter is safe so don't beat yourself up. A's work by wearing us down. When I am around the A I feel in permanent exhaustion. I think they also (when they are not in recovery) keep everything on edge that is so they can get away with stuff.
I think its immensely hard to keep stuff boundaried around them. I've moved out and the A can't get to me in the same way. At the same time there are still things left undone. And the A thrives on that.
I hope you will take care of yourself. Give yourself time. The boundary stuff does not arrive overnight. I know they wear us down.
