The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you for your continued support and insight here at MIP! It helps so much.
I still struggle with my AHsober's and my separation. He acts like an alcoholic - self centered. Why am I surprised? It makes me sad. I wonder how to keep my three grown together as a family. They each are in different situations and going their separate ways. My oldest is in the military and is scheduled to go back overseas. He is tired and can't seem to find an even ground personally and in his job.
What is changing for me is my relationship with my family of origin. It is almost as if in crisis we have become closer. My sister and brother are both raising their grandchildren. I seem to be letting go of past grudges (mostly petty) and trying to be more supportive, helpful, and be a good auntie to their children and grandchildren. My mother and I have never gotten along. As she ages, she has had health problems and I have had to help her more. When I finally told her that my AHsober wanted a divorce, I think she finally realized that sometimes I need help. She fell down last week and then called tonight saying she fell again. I need to think seriously about moving closer to help take care of her.
We had a family gathering at Easter. It was fun to watch the kids hunt for eggs. I said that it was hard for me not having my sons around and going home to an empty house. My niece and sister-in-law said remember that we are here for you.
We all have our struggles with our A's and just life itself. In this program we learn to take the focus on the alcoholic and focus on ourselves. I think changing my focus from my woes with my AHsober and focusing on being a better person and giving and getting support from my family will be more helpful all the way around.
It sounds like you are really on the right track, GOOD FOR YOU !! You sound confident and ready to take on just about anything.. You are an inspiration to me :)
I know what you are going thru. I am seperated from my AHusband and going thru struggles as well. I have also been trying to take my focus off of my husband and work on becoming a better person. I've been trying to reconnect with my old self before my alcoholic husband. I still find myself wondering, at times, how and when did I lose myself. It all seems to happen so fast. I went from a strong, confident, self-supporting woman to a woman that now lives in fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of not being loved. Fear of not being able to support myself financially. I have allowed myself to be a doormat for my husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting on the pitty pot. I'm just identifying how I got here. For a long time I didn't even know how I got here, just that I had. I have also had to admit, that even though I have been in alanon for close to 3 years, that I have not been working the program like I should. I am grateful that I can see where I went wrong in the past. I have found myself too many times seperated from my husband and running back to him because I was lonely and scared. I have isolated in the past. Found myself longing for my husband on a Friday or Saturday night (always the hardest for me) because I wouldn't reach out to friends and go and have some fun for me. Wondering what my husband was doing and who he was doing it with. Letting my imagination run wild. Like you, I am trying to reconnect with my family and contacting old friends. I know what I have to do and now I just have to do it.
I hope that you will be able to find peace and serenity in your journey of reconnecting with yourself and your family.
((((nmike)))) I relate so much to your post. I am in a similar situation and although I feel incredibly sad at times, overall I do feel like I am making slow progress. Focusing on being a better person, especially to myself, is my number one priority. Reaching out to those I trust and being there in a healthy way for family is a big part of that for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself.
