The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now I found morphine in my daughters room, she's 19. When I confronted her, she actually asked for it back.. She dropped out of college, has called in sick to work the last few days, but insists she has no problem. when I inform her of her needing to pay her bills, car insurance, cell phone, etc., her boy friend commented, well, she could deal drugs, thats an option. So now I feel like if I push her, she may just go there, or somewhere. I am struggling, see I am a recovering addict, alcoholic myself, and as dumb as it sounds, this makes me want to get all messed up, because this feels like hell. I am telling on myself because when I found the pills, I stuck them in my drawer, and wanted them so bad.. I went to a meeting and was able today to get rid of them.. I need to attend alanon, but am getting to AA as much as I can right now, and with working full time, and having 2 other kids to drive around, I seem not to find time for alanon.. I appreciate your letting me vent, and still think I should find face to face support as welll...any how, I feel better having now flushed the pills, crazy, I wanted to take them. Thanks all, and someday I'll master all your abreviations, I like the AH, my first thought was something else, my husbands in recovery also and is a sober AH.
Hi Gimmpy, first I want to congratulate you on tossing those pills!!! When I worked in rehab, I did pill flushing parties several times. They were big, emotional deals, and the person flushing his or her pills had my deepest respect.
Anyway! Your situation is terrible, and my heart goes out to you. The urge to just make it all go away must be super intense. So you are fighting on two fronts. Please take care of yourself. This adult child of yours is on her own no matter what you do or say. Holding her up to her responsibilities while she's under your roof is a good thing, and what she chooses to do, good or bad, has nothing to do with you. Remember how YOU got sober, and how little it mattered what others said until you were ready to stop.
As hard as it is to get to face to face meetings for you, there are lots of ways to stretch infrequent Alanon meetings by reading literature, participating in this forum and others, taking a sponsor and working the steps as an Alanon.
When drugs and alcohol are in the house.... there is a serious need of attending the chaos. Addressing it. There is a strong need to set some boundaries. At first, from all I could see. I had to put my feet firmly on the ground. I had to start with setting boundaries for myself. I had to attend meetings to get my mindset in order. my "train of thought" on the right track. I did this for MYSELF. Boundaries that included not having alcohol or drugs inthe house and not allowing others to bring them (or keep them) in the house. just because my own personal self was letting me be soooo vulnerable and I understand tooo., that I will always be..... I need this boundary for Me.
I know you love your daughter. She's was in college.. means shes' like 19 to 22 years of age? A grown lady. Definitley time she understands that she must take care of herself too. that you *two can be a strength to each other to get away from all the mess- that the drugs and the alcohol tend to bring into a family. that drugs is only going to keep her from finding out the wonderful things that life has to offer. but then again, she will have to decide on her own, no one can decide for her. family can only let her know she is loved. she is believed in and she is really a very blessed brain that can help her to acheive whatever she sets her mind to. hope can be a great great tool. faith can be even a better one. having faith in someone. no matter when there are bad times or not so good times. I think its important that she knows there is help .. that you JUST love her. that you JUST care about her. Facing that ... you can only love her. She will see and she will go on and do what she wants to with her life., with her self. its not anyone elses place to "control" her. but you can let her know,... that for Your Self... you want what life offers. what HP has to offer You. Perhaps in time she will want that too.
After the time and years of raising your daughter....its her turn to care for herself, no matter if you agree or disagree. There is AA and NA. that can help her get grounded. the rest is up to her. she's a grown woman. pretty smart tooo if she got into a college. lol.
I think you will be just fine!! READ LITERATURE. ATTEND AL-ANON MEETINGS in your AREA if at all possible. Keep Looking uP:) & keep sharing with others. So Glad your Here!
I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. Seeing this disease carry on to the next generation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As you know, meetings are a must. This damn disease wants to get each and every one of us alone so it can mess with our heads, but in a meeting we find some reality and true perspective.
So glad you could come and share, keep doing so, we welcome you back, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
" like the AH, my first thought was something else"
HA! I think sometimes it is....
Remember, if you ask her to hold up her end of things financially, that is NOT chasing her into dealing drugs. It's just the old alcoholic song and dance routine - find a way to mess with people's heads. Anything to take the focus off their behaviour. Do what you need to do, if you let this drag you down into the abyss with her, you can't help her or yourself. Stay close to your programs, both this one and AA (yes, you are one of us)
