The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm new at this, I hope I can get some insight on how to understand my son, I do now that he is using drugs and now has started drinking by himself at night so he can fall asleep, and then in the morning can't get up to go to work, he is 22 years old has not finished high school and has no futur in front of him. I have gave him a choice between leaving or going to rehab. I'm not sure this is the right thing to do. My husband comes from a small island and there is not to much drugs available like in this city. Did I make the right decision?? I really need help on this one.
Hate that you are dealing with such a difficult situation with your son. It is difficult to watch our loved ones suffer from the disease of addiction/alcoholism.
As for making the right decision, that I'm not sure - only you & your Higher Power know what is right for you. But what I can tell you is what has worked for me.
What has helped me to know what is healthy for me is attending Al-Anon meetings, reading recovery literature, working the 12 steps of recovery, sharing here on MIP and learning to trust in a Power Greater than me.
I'm so glad that you reached out for help - I hope that you keep coming back - there is hope for us here.
Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - You deserve them.
Peace to you, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Yes, I think you did. Might also add another caveat or two: Get a high school diploma, decide on a career and study toward it. He doesn't have to become a rocket scientist, but must prepare himself for a successful future. Remember, dear one, that when we set a boundary, we must be prepared to see it through. Otherwise we are just a wuss, and they see though facade that immediately.
Good luck Mom. Hang in there.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Thank you so much for writting back, I was really going crasy. He has tried many times to attend adult education, but every time he gets booted out for not attending. We even enrolled him in mechanic school because he said that that's what he wants to do. It has cost us a little fortune but really we didn't care about the money, but then they told him to get serious and booted him out.
If he goes to my husbands country he says he want's to go to the army over there (it is mandatory because of his roots) is that a good idea?
Welcome to MIP! You will find this place loaded with caring people who truly understand what you are going through. The al-anon program is designed not so much to "fix" your son, but to allow you to take your life back and re-learn how to be happy and healthy weather your son gets help or not.
My son went through that just after high school. He was spinning in the wind and had a drinking problem. He quit or was fired from job after job, he had real responsability issues. When he would run short on money it was simply time to ask for more.
The problem with children in this situation is we have protected them and taken responsability for their actions for so long as minors, that we tend to carry that over into adulthood if they don't take care of it themselves.
The question you have to answer is: is that what you want to do? You won't get a lot of straight out advise here. I can't tell you the 3 things to turn that young man around. But this program will teach you to take care of yourself, make clear decissions and trust that there is hope in any situation.
You have a HP that will help you with those tough decissions ... and so does he. I am glad you are here and I hope you will get more information and maybe check into some local meetings. The support you can get from them is tremendous.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
That is one of the reasons I want to send him there, the other reason is not as nice, I can't take watching him destroying his life it is so hard. My father was an alcoolic, my brother is and my sister also. I am surounded, I thank god that at least I don't like the feeling of beeing drunk and don't like alcool so much. But I guess it's in his geenes. But for the drugs I am really wondering if he's really going to be able to do it on his own. He says that he can but I really doubt it. At least over there it's not so easy to get some. It's just a small island and where my husband town is, my brother in law still lives there. That would mean putting my son in his hands. Is there any aa + na meetings for the family in the region of Montreal? I think I would like to attend, Thanks
I think joining the military might save his life. If you can get him to enlist then go for it. Sounds like a winner to me! I hope he does that. Good luck sweetheart.
I finally found a place where they have a meeting tonight, hopefully I can get my husband to come with me. Maybe it will help him and me understand more about addiction.
I have to say thank you to all of you who responded to me, I was in a really bad place yesterday and the day before. If I would of known sooner.... anyway thank you soooooo much,
