The material presented
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I got a call last week...from AA. Haven't seen or heard from any of them since A and I split 14 months ago."Where have you been Chris,we have missed you. We would all love to see you again and catch up. How about coming to a meeting?" It's funny because although I did have a few private meetings with a couple of the members here(I live in Turkey) I wasn't really welcomed at meetings since all were closed meetings and my suggesting open meetings met with grunts and general unwillingness. I can't follow a meeting when it's all in Turkish and no-one willing to translate. So I kind of understood. But with no Alanon group here ( I since started my own but it's still in it's infancy) I really needed more insight from AA at the time,since that was all I could grab on to.
I always got on well with the guy I was speaking to. Told him I was always interested to attend open meetings but since there never were any,it was hardly surprising I haven't been in touch.He responded by saying they would be delighted to hold an open meeting especially for me this week!! So I accepted his offer and turned up at the meeting to a very warm welcome from them all.....and ............AA guy took the trouble to translate every share into English for me and involve me in the whole meeting. WOW! Then a strange thing happened.
One of the shares was a girl who has been struggling with sobriety and has fantastically managed to stay sober for eight months. I remembered her from when A was attending,and she seemed a hopeless case. I was so encouraged by her struggle to stay sober.........then she burst into tears and shared that her husband was drinking really heavily and hiding bottles and she didn't know what to do!!! Next was a share that one of the recovering A's with many years sobriety is in a relationship with another newly recovering A and he too has enormous problems and issues and shared how it had opened his eyes to my struggle at a time when there was no help for me.
In short.....they NOW NEED ALANON!!!!and were now asking ME for help. I was dumbstruck as all eyes were on me looking for some words of wisdom.
This is going to be very difficult since I am English and although I do speak Turkish enough to get by and carry out my own requirements,it certainly isn't sufficient to run a meeting that would benefit them,any more than the situation I found myself in when I went yelling and screaming for help from them four years ago. The "group" I have consists of just three,myself included and isn't run on a regular weekly basis. The two others are not in intimate relationships with their A's and are merely trying to understand how to be supportive without getting directly involved. When they need to offload we get together and talk it out,using Alanon principles and programme.
At the end of the meeting it was asked if I would be willing to sit with the ones who found themselves double winners,and work out a way to get a multi lingual group going. In the meantime it has been suggested that the AAgroup here would be happy to schedule an open meeting say once a fortnight.
It's taken four years to get to this point,and A and I separated 14 months ago. I don't have a sponsor or meetings here. I post on MIP when it's possible for me to do so and reply to others posts when I can. I read daily readings,pray and try very hard to live my Alanon programme every single day. There hasn't been a single day I haven't done this,and not a single day that I haven't prayed for my A to find his way. I love my ex with all my heart,but he's a mean drunk and dangerous to me and himself when drinking. When sober he's the sweetest,gentlest man I know.
Part of me is sad today. This was exactly what I prayed so hard for four years ago. Now it's too late for me and my A.I loved and still love him with all my heart,but I will never again live with active alcoholism. But it's become very clear that something needs to be done here. HP works in mysterious ways that's for sure. Part of me is asking"Why now?" Part of me is elated that,at last, they understand what I have been banging on about for the last four years............and part of me is scared witless at the daunting task of trying to bring this all together so that we all,whatever our language or culture,can share this wonderful programme.
This really does seem to be a case of "IN HIS TIME,not mine".......but am I really up to the challenge now? I still feel that I am a baby in Alanon and that's why I make the effort to read and learn from all the wonderful ES&H here on MIP. I still have MANY,MANY days when my thinking is "goofed up" and it's YOU (((((((((((wonderful family))))))))))))) here that help me to get myself "ungoofed".
Well I am someone who has been in al anon for a year and a half now and while it helped me it didn't cure the A. He still uses some kind of drug. I don't know what but there are lots of signs he does.
I do think Al anon helps but I am not sure anything but anything get them sober. For some people their bottom are death. I don't know why and I don't know what separates them but that is the clear cut truth for some of us.
I am so glad that working your program is helping you so much. I would be very careful about taking on huge commitments. That is certainly one of my traits to go all out help others and have little left for me. I have had to stop that because my own spectacular rescues of the A nearly killed me. I know we focus so much on the A's actions and how they are self destructive but my own giving till I had nothing nearly absolutely destroyed me. I could not stop till I came here and even then it has been difficult. I have a small dwindling pool of money and the A would love to get his hands on it. He after all is the only person who deserves it. I know he would take my last penny and then kick me and tell me I was his "room mate" because that's what he has done. I don't allow that anymore. I put myself in the equation too. I feel for the A but like you I don't think I can ever live with active acoholism again. The effects are too too destructive for me.
So I would really urge you to have boundaries, ask for help. Don't take the whole project on your own. Make it a team effort. For me there is a red flag whenever there is a huge project because I will take it on as my own and look for others to celebrate my huge efforts and of course they don't. I have to celebrate and take care of me and then do for others if I have time, energy and space.
Amazing stuff - looks like all the service work you'd ever need is just waiting for you! I too would be careful about taking on more than you realistically can do. One thing might be to contact the WSO and tell them about your situation. I am sure this kind of thing comes up fairly often, and I bet they could give you some help.
We were just talking about service last night at my f2f. Usually we pass the key (and thus the position of chair) around fairly casually, but one person has been doing it now for quite some time, several months. Last week I asked her for the key, as I wanted to do some ordering and needed to stay late to clear out the cupboard and see what Literature we had. I figured it was about my turn to take over for a while, anyway. This week she shared that it had started to become a burden - not the actual coming, setting up, etc, but the feeling of responsibility, the worry that she may or may not be leading the meeting in a helpful way to newcomers, that sort of thing. She had been thinking about passing on the key, but had been worrying about pushing one person too much, some other person maybe feeling hurt because SHE wasn't picked, all that nonsense and false responsibility for others that comes so naturally to the alanon mind. She had made up her mind that she was just going to HAVE to ask for help, and here I come, asking her for the key! Once again, a sign that when we let go, the solution often just jumps into our hand.
Anyway, the point of that long digression was that it is easy for us to try to assume responsibility for the recovery of others - in this case not the A, but other alanons. Easy, but not the healthy choice for us or them.
First of all you are going to do just fine. Whenever I question things and my place in this world, I am reminded by the saying: "I am right where I am suppose to be at this moment in time."
Perhaps HP has decided that at this time and place is right for you and for your friends in Turkey to do this work. I can understand being scared. I would be too. However it's time to take the plunge with both feet. Don't worry you'll come up swimming full force. Enjoy this journey my dear friend. I'm excited for you.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Give Ruby an extra hug for me.
Live strong, Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Chris I think that before you would never have been emotionally strong to take a challenge like this on and lets face it you needed the support yourself instead of giving it out. I think this is a sign from Hp that you are on the right path spiritually as well. Get some advice from others who have taken on the role but I think you would be great at it. Luv Leo xxx
............AA guy took the trouble to translate every share into English for me and involve me in the whole meeting. WOW! Then a strange thing happened. 
