The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know many people ask when to quit their respective relationships. In al anon it is our policy never to give advice, to do our best to mind our own business, and progress not perfection. But when I read today's Hazelden meditation, I couldn't help but think of my MIP AFG. It seems the most common question that newcomers come in with, and I did too, "How do I stop them from hurting themselves?" I think the second most common question is, "Should I pack up my circus and quit this town?" (Figuratively speaking) Lately my councelor has been phrasing many emotional questions from a business prospective; as in, "If you were an employer and this were an employee..." "If you were negotiating for a hostile take over..." One of the most important things a person can learn in business (cue the old song) is "know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away." I think it's pretty important in business, but even more so in relationships: for me, I'll hold my hand of cards and play till I'm broke. Which is to say, till I'm emotionally so drained that I don't know how I got here, why I stayed and I'm so miserable I can't see myself ever being happy again. This reading, obviously, really stuck with me. I hope you get something out of it too. ~Tiger/Sarah
Diamonds are only chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs, you see. -- Malcolm Forbes
How has your determination paid off for you in your life? So often it is difficult to know when to continue pushing forward and when to let go of a project or an idea.
Leslie wanted to change the culture of her small company. She realized that achieving her goals would require determination. Yet determination was not enough; she knew that she also needed a well-developed plan for the changes to stick in her industry of computer systems, an industry that was rapidly changing. She carefully laid out a detailed plan to achieve her goals, including all incremental steps, with quarterly reviews. She knew real change would take at least five years. At times along the way, Leslie became self-doubting; her determination waned. At times, it seemed that the company was moving backward.
Each year, however, Leslie met with her management team and together they assessed the progress of the program. Indeed, the program progressed as planned.
Just for today, I will ask myself what results my determination has produced in my life and accept that some things take time.
Sarah, you did not finish one quote..."know when to RUN." Not advising here, lest I find myself in trouble, but I'd run. There is a better life out there for you Tige. Think about grabbing for it.
Love to you,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I often ask myself "Is this relationship mutually beneficial?" but I don't always know the answer??????
Also, posted a copy of an email I had received about relationship conflicts - I got some good input about how to handle conflicts with people. Geez if people would only see things my way - huh? - Oh well - that's never gonna happen. Have a great holiday weekend, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Hi and I offer these as comments about me FWIW (For Whatever It's Worth):
You said: >>... for me, I'll hold my hand of cards and play till I'm broke. Which is to say, till I'm emotionally so drained that I don't know how I got here, why I stayed and I'm so miserable I can't see myself ever being happy again. This reading, obviously, really stuck with me. I hope you get something out of it too. ~Tiger<<
Yep, that's my first inclination especially when I'm sick, tired, stressed, and so on. One thing that speeded up my ability to stop playing till I dropped was this: I love to play many, many kinds of solitaire (on or off the computer). One of my favorite solitaire programs has these options for each hand of each type of solitaire: REPLAY THIS HAND FROM THE BEGINNING and DEAL ANOTHER HAND
Being the type of person who likes to experiment to see what I can learn, I have played hundreds of hands of different types of solitaire where I played to the best result I could with one set of choices and then hit REPLAY and played the best I could making other choices.
Over time, I found that for nearly any hand, replaying didn't significantly increase my score or decrease it. Replaying was just doing the same thing another way so to speak.
So as much as I am driven from early childhood training to give till it hurts and then give some more till I drop, when faced with that driven, unthinking urge now, I recall the results of my research while playing solitaire and choose, "Deal Another Hand" rather than continue replaying the same hand hoping for different results.
Just a comment. Your mileage may vary as the car and gas maufacturers warn us.
