The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my most-often-read pages in "Courage to Change" is the entry for May 13. Here's part of that entry:
"I find it much easier to risk making decisions when I stop thinking about suffering the consequences and remember that I have the option to enjoy the consequences."
"... I was sure that there was some magical "right" choice that would get me what I wanted ..."
"Today I will have faith in my ability to act. When the time seems right, I will make the best choice I can and allow myself to enjoy the results."
This was one of the first pages I read after purchasing Courage to Change years ago. I have proved its worth to me by daring to practice what it advocates: choosing to enjoy the consequences.
I have learned by conscious decision, followed by practice, to enjoy the consequences of leaving my long marriage and of having medical expenses destroy my credit rating.
For example, I had a hard time enjoying the consequences of a wrecked credit rating until I realized: Oh! I'm free of having to worry about identity theft because no one would want my identity if they knew there was nothing they could do with it! lol And if someone stole it because I used to have decades of perfect credit reports, well then, I can laugh that I really fooled them! ha ha ha ha ha ha Was able to laugh all the way through the 7 years of waiting for the marks against me to expire and drop off my credit report.
Many, many other examples I could give of how this one entry in Courage to Change has been healing medicine for me.
I don't have a vanity license tag on my car, but if you ever see someone with plates that read "C2ETC," it might be that I decided to personalize my plates to remind me of my aim: Choose to Enjoy the Consequences.
Sunny...you have no idea how much that post just helped me! I have been working hard over the last few months on seeing the positive side of things. I'm succeeding more than failing most days..., but wow - that passage from "Courage To Change" speaks to me loud and clear today.
I have enjoyed the consequences of leaving my alcoholic husband. There have been numerous bad moments and challenges, but all in all...I am a much, much happier, healthier person now.
Today I have a personal life decision to make. There may be consequences to face. This post has helped me realize that there are risks involved in decision making, but I will remember the option to "enjoy the consequences".
Hi Sunny...Although I am not a negative person, I guess I am too much of a realist to "enjoy" seeing my credit rating destroyed, or to find the fun in disaster, but if you can look at life's unpleasant events in this way, good for you!!! FInding a successful way of handling our lives is most important, and looks like you have conquered what is best for you.
I send you best wishes for today and always,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
To me this is much like the method of deailing with pain that you are taught in natural childbirth classes - insted of calling it "pain" and shrinking from it in fear, call it 'sensation' and go with it. Each contraction is another wave, carrying you closer to motherhood. It doesn't change the reality, but makes it easier to bear.
Sometimes it's easy to find the 'bright side" - you can huddle in the house all winter watching TV and getting fat, or you can go out and play in the snow - but sometimes it's not so easy. When you roll with the inevitible, though, you CAN find a bright side, of some sort.
I think there is something to be said about acceptance. I have spent years cleaning and doing all the housework. Now I have given that up. When I am at the A's house it is to use the computer I have no responsibility there anymore. The other day he asked me to buy toilet roll. I did not. I dont' live there anymore!
For me there is also a tremendous amount of sadness. The sadness is not just for the A's actions. For me its about my own lack of boundaries and desire to be with someone who is so patently self destuctive. I have my own issues which I imagine will consume me for a long time to resolve. I have my own process to work on and that is a good consequence. For a long long time it was just "him" and now there is a "me" in there. When I hear the A talk it is always about him. He rarely ever mentions anyone else.
Thanks to each of you who replied. You have helped me today when I am having a ... ummm... unusally challenging day (think: call to sponsor, call to therapist, etc.).
I hope to come back to comment on particular things you shared that I hadn't thought of, thus, you have enriched for me from now on one of my favorite ways to get back to sanity. Thank each of you.
