The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ability to allow people, places, or things the freedom to be themselves.
Holding back from the need to rescue, save, or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional, or irrational.
Giving another person "the space'' to be him or herself.
Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place, or thing.
Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern, and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing, or controlling.
Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility, for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
Ability to allow people to be who they "really are'' rather than who you "want them to be.''
Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.
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Giving to others, from the heart..is what its all about..
I love ya.......I am struggling BIG time with this one..... I want to run tell him, I love him, I am there for him..lol He needs to go to a meeting, to sort himself out..And I am "powerless", and It's killing me...
This Is what I needed to see tonight.. right at this moment...
Phil wrote:Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility, for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
This is the hardest one for me. But in the end, it is the healthiest for both me and the ones I love. It allows both parties to either get or keep their self-respect or dignity.
I have to remind myself when I want to "save" someone, that I am taking away their dignity to be their own person. And that is not my job. I need to pray for the ability to detach & let them be their own person.
Great Post Phil - Thanks so much - I can always use info on detachment.
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
