The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sitting here at 10:00 on a Saturday night still in my pajamas from this morning. I have been fighting depression all day. I go from sitting on the pitty pot to beating myself up for not seeing through the A and his manipulation. I've been through this so many times. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Insanity. I've been in alanon long enough to know that this is the time when I need to keep busy. Work on myself. I have let my friends slowly vanish from my life, too embarrassed to let them see my A in all of his glory or so caught up in his life that I didn't have any time left for anyone else. So here I sit seperated from my husband without any friends to turn to. Being alone has always been a very uncomfortable position for me. I know that going back to my A is not an option. I don't want to keep doing the same things. I'm tired of setting myself up to be hurt over and over. It's not a very good place to be. I work a full-time job and go to school so I stay pretty busy but I can still see that I am making some of the same mistakes that I have made in the past when I have left. I know what I should do so why am I having such a hard time doing it? I know that isolating myself is not healthy for me. I have got to change my attitude. I have got to become stronger; prepare myself for the storm that I know is coming. I know that I would be much prouder of myself if I would just hold on tight a little longer and ride out the storm. I know that I will find happiness and peace on the other side, I just have to reach out and grasp it.
Sorry you're feeling down. Take a moment to re-read your post and you will see that you know what the problem is....now what to do? You have friends here, and that is a good start. Maybe tomorrow you can reach out to one person that you know, even if it's to just go out for a quick coffee or something. Hope you feel better soon.
When you are feeling low, and stressed, is not the time to be tough. It's the time to reach out for help, to be good to yourself, to pamper yourself in at least some small ways. Keeping busy is of course good, but make sure that you schedule some fun in there too. It's spring - fresh air, excercise, these things make an enormous difference.
It's okay to cocoon once in while, it's actually good for us to do that.....take your time you are doing a great job and remember your a work in progress. When I have a cocooning day, I call it my princess day, I don't do anything I DON'T WANT TO....LOL just like a princess.....be gentle with yourself. Hugs Mar
