The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just been gone a few days and come back to get a few more things. The house is a real mess. The A immediately steps in with what I have contributed to the mess as soon as I get in the door. The electricity is going to be cut off. He just lays around and watches the few channels he can get on TV. His favorite antidote to it all is to sleep. He also tells me he is moving in 2 weeks and that he has a dream job and everything will be ok.
I think he has about 6 weeks tops if the landlord proceeds to eviction which is likely. After all the landlord can see his friend in the driveway when he drives by. I asked the friends to come inside many many times and they live in denial about how obvious it is that they are sleeping in the car. I think they also want to stay in the car because they can do whatever drug activity they are doing there unobserved. They allude to it rather than admit to it.
The A's packed nothing and I think he fully expects me to pack him up. I am not going there. There is too much room for me to be abused. He has tons of stuff he needs to get rid of. I am not his mother. I've been packing my stuff and moving since the beginning of the month. He has packed nothing.
He has found some work and is going to have some money. Perhaps that will motivate him. In the meantime the electricity is probably going to be cut off. I am glad I will largely be out by then. Then he won't be able to cook or watch TV and there is no hot water now anyways.
I also won't be able to use the internet then so I will have to go to the library to use it until I get it all set up at my new place. I hope to do that in the next few weeks.
So I am looking at dealing with this in a detached way till the middle of May. By then he will have found storage and moved somewhere. Who knows where? He has no cell phone either so he has a lot to contend with.
Normally I would kill myself with action around these things. Normally my anxiety would be off the rooftops. Now I am out of it I am not anxious just observing. At the same time I am immensely sad the A let it come to this.
Well I am off to a day of packing I am giving the plants I nutured, loved, cossetted, cared for daily away. They are a casualty of the A. I will never get them back. I may have a garden again someday.
I had one for a while. I had a dream for a while with the A of making a home. Now it is destroyed and I have my part in letting it shatter. I had my part in shoring it up and holding it up alone for years. Now it is all gone.
It never ceases to amaze me how the writing on the wall is in HUGE print before the A,and they still seem to be oblivious. I remember so well being all packed up ready to move from Istanbul and my beloved A watching me calmly pack everything around him,yet insisting that all his stuff would pack itself one way or another.(Either that or I would do it all for him....NOT!!)
That is so amazing, I read your post and tried to imagine putting myself in your shoes and making the choices you made. I admire you and I hope I have the stregnth to do what's necessary. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
What also annoys me is that the A has made a religion about being the "good boy" to all his friends. The friends we have catered to on his demands. The friends we have taken care of. Now what is it. I am here all alone packing. Typical. It is also a reminder this is the way it will always be. And I am not willing to do it. I am not willing to look into the future and see more of this.
Mary I am so sad you have to go thru this. You sound so brave though.
Mary do you have plans for the animals when he does go belly up? You might consider posting on craigslist of your plight. I found my tenants there and they are wonderful.
They have a Boxer and 3 cats. Plus credit is bad as she had a medical surgery and had no insurance.
They are almost the best tenants I have ever had.
You never know what might be out there. there are people like me who would see your needs and say, "hey I have a big room you could rent and room for your animals."
I know when we are stressed we don't think of everything that may be an option.
Well keep us posted as much as you can. love,debilyn
just want to send you a bunch of hugggssss and tell you i love you very much. please keep going to meetings and write when you can. your in my thoughts and prayers. ((((maresie)))) i wish i could be there to helpyou with the "stuff" your going through. you're doing great! handling it in the fashion you are. keep your head up and your heart with HP. i always remind myself, (each day..) its OK to "Let Go and Let God" have those things that are not mine to take on.
Hello MaresieYou are very brave.I remember reading of your plan B.Reading how you wanted better for yourself.How you were the instrument of change in your own life.Keep moving forward, one step in front of the other.You are doing it.When we moved I did every bit of packing and the A did none. Total denial.It took the movers 2 whole days to pack his stuff up for him.You are taking care of yourself, what you can control in life.Be proud of yourself.Stay strong in supportmegan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
