The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is Danielle and Im 31 years old. Ive been married for almost 6 years, but weve been together for 12. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and Im 6 months pregnant w/ our 2nd girl. My husband just currently realized hes an alcoholic. I always knew something was different, but obviously I cannot tell him. He had to attend one of those intoxication classes for 2 days last week and he saw the light. I know he hasn't been the same man I married w/in the last 3 years. Monday night, he attended his first AA meeting.Sunday was his first slip-up. He wind up drinking all day...like 12 hours. His cousin bought him a Narcotics book. I questioned it since he was attending an AA meeting. He admitted that he was doing coke a lot. He also admitted to me the other night, after he had bags under his eyes, thats what happens when you drink and do coke. I was beside myself. I mean...I know he did it "occasionally" or at least thats what he was trying to convince to me and I believed it. I just couldn't believe he was doing that and I didnt even know it!I feel like I don't know who he is anymore and I feel betrayed, lied to, and an idiot for being so gullable. I was so upset. I comforted him about this yesterday and he told me that he has a problem and he would do anything to hide the problem. He truely wants to seek help. He doesnt want to end up like his cousin he lost everything and now lives w/ his brother. I think what hurts the most is how can he did this stuff knowing we have another child coming into this world. He did tell me that he wants to get better. He wants to be a better husband and a father. Just him saying that means so much to me. Last night was a big test. We went over a friends house and they were all drinking. He had soda. He said it was very hard when it was just a couple of guys, but once others started showing up he was able to talk more and stop thinking about having a beer. He plans on attending his 2nd AA meeting tonight. Just one day at a time. :)
I'm new here too...What a difficult situation for you...I really hope that he is able to follow through with AA and be the husband and father you need.
__________________
I think that it's brainless to assume that making changes to your window's view will give a new perspective.
Glad that you decided to join our family, but so wish that your family had not been affected by alcoholism/addiction.
I do hope that your AH (alcoholic husband) will continue to seek the help he needs through AA and other recovery methods. But mainly I hope that you will seek the help that you can find through Al-Anon, MIP, counseling, reading recovery literature, attending meetings (face to face or on-line) and reaching out for help for You.
There is help for you regardless if the alcoholic/addict stops their drinking/using.
Don't give up before the miracles happen in You - You deserve them.
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thanks!!! Yea..I have remind myself "one day at a time"... He actually wants me to pick up a case of Red Bull..thats his drink of choice instead of beer now. Im wondering if thats such a good idea..I mean..its an energy drink. He will be bouncing off the walls. I'm hoping he will get more done around the house now...which he realized the alcohol made him so lazy. When he was drinking, he would put vodka or something in it w/ the energy drink...I mean...Red Bull isnt an alcohol..but Im wondering how good can that be?
Don't know much about the Energy Drinks, except that the can be used like diet pills for the rush or speed effect and it is color coded as "energy drink" Some of my adult daughters drink them, but then some drink coffee for the caffiene kick. Who knows????
Remember you have choices, options - You can decide if you are comfortable with that or not. You.
Your life, your decisions, your choices. Whatever works for YOU.
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Hi, welcome to MIP. The best thing you can do, for both him and yourself, is to let go, as much as possible. Try not to pay attention to whether he drinks or not, or what he drinks. It truly is not your business. What IS your business is how he treats you, your financial security, etc. If coke is involved, it might not hurt to take a look and see if you really have as much money saved as you think you do.
Sobering up is hard work - it means, essentially, completely changing the way he relates to the world. He has to want it, badly, and he has to be strong enough to do it. That is why your helping him, monitoring him, being deeply involved in his recovery does not help him, really. This has to be HIS - if he is not deeply imvested in it, it will not work. This does not mean that you have to satnd back, wringing your hands and worrying. That is what alanon is for. It is a safe place for you to vent your fears and resentments, and we have many tools and ways to help you put the focus on yourself and yoru child, which is where it needs to be. Your children deserve at least one sane parent, and it is not going to be him - it needs to be you.
Please don't think that his drinking has anything to do with his love for you and the kids. He can love you, and still make choices and exihibit behaviours that harm you deeply. This is the torment of the alcoholic - they often see the harm they do, but feel that they are powerless to stop. The guilt leads to more drinking, more denial, more blaming of others. It is up to you to protect yourself, while still loving him - we call it detachment.
It is possible to find happiness and serenity, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Welcome.
Welcome to MIP, glad you found us here. You will find that so many of us on this message board have either experienced some of what you have gone through and all of us have been affected by A'ism in some way. Sorry you are going through this. Remember to take care of yourself and that new precious baby. Your AH has his program now and that will be his responsibility to tend to. This program works if you work it. My AH has gone through 4 attempts at sobriety, but continues to use pot and alcohol. Its sad because he wants to be a better husband and father as well. The disease keeps him from living the life he wants. Once I accepted that this is a disease some of my anger and resentment went away. I still have my days though when I see his actions not lining up with his words. I cannot judge my AH by his intentions or words, but only by the actions. Keep posting and going to F2F meetings, you are not alone.
Peace, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
((Danielle)) Welcome to MIP...Glad you found us...sorry to hear you are going thru a rough time. This board is a wonderful tool to use in your recovery. We all have in common being affected by the disease. Taking care of you and your little one is the best thing you can do for you both. For me...the 3C's helped when my AH was drinking and continues to help me day to day. I didn't cause I can't control it I can't cure it.
What I can do is take care of me. F2F meetings are great also. Getting a sponsor to help thru rough days is a real blessing. Prayers for you and your family. your friend in recovery, rosie
