The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am calling a attorney today to set up a appointment so I can find out where I stand on legal and money issues.
I want to have a full time job with benefits so that I can take care of myself and the children. I have not worked for the last 10 years, as I have been a stay at home Mom.
I really was trying to wait to do anything until I was done with school, as it is only a 2 semester program....but i don't think I can wait that long....I can literally FEEL the life being sucked out of me....I can't let it continue.
If I can jI am calling a attorney today to set up a appointment. I need to find out where I stand legally and with money issues. My plans are to go back to school starting with summer classes and I ust get enough support/money somehow to get me through school...it would be a godsend for me.
Your making plans and that's a start. I don't know what state you live in and the rules vary. I know in my state the husband had a few types of alimony he can pay to a homemaker. It's called displaced homemaker. He can pay a lump sum of money to you, he can pay for you to finish school or he can pay in payments. You are also entitled to some of the home if jointly owned. If it's all in his name then you may not get much if anything (this is what I was told by my attorney) Make sure you start paying some of your bills so you hopefully can walk out debt free. Keep track of all your purchases. Grocery bills, anything you buy for the kids, keep the reciepts. Don't do anything foolish like go out drinking with the girls, ect. Good luck and I hope you get the answers your looking for. ((((HUGS))))
((((((still searching)))))) Planning was so valuable to me when I had to separate from my AH years ago. The first couple times, I didn't plan enough - the third time I moved to Florida and it worked. I planned, found some property "for retirement", and moved my dogs and myself.
My AH didn't realize what I was doing because I felt like I would be in danger if he had realized that I was actually leaving him! He was the type who assumed a lot about what I was thinking, doing, etc., so with him this was easy.
My point in telling you this is that nothing worked for me until I (with my HP's help) started planning.
My AH and I are both together now and we have two homes - the one I bought alone and the house we live in now. We use the old mobile for storage, but I can go there when I need to be alone. Crazy, huh? Alcoholism is a crazy disease.
I wish you well with your planning. Do what is good for you and your children and it'll work out for everyone concerned. Think about what you and your kids need, not anyone else. "Snap" decisions never worked for me and I haven't seen it work for anyone else either unless you have loads of money. Single parenting is very, very hard. It's good to have a lot of Alanon under your belt, too before making decisions.
Seeing an attorney is good. So is school.
There's a great book called "Learning to Leave" available in bookstores or Amazon which helped me tremendously with my planning.
One step at a time , do your homework and put plan into action . This is a big step I believe u will find that you are entitled to half , and since there are children child support is a given . I don't believe in taking anyone to the cleaners but do beilieve in fair . Good luck with the lawyer it is a start. Because u have been a stay at home mom (damn hard work by the way ) and out of the loop for awhile most states have re entry programs for situations like yours there is probably help out there for you in regards to education etc. if u call unemployment agency they will be able to point u in the right direction. Make your plans , go slowly and u will be fine . Louise
Those are tough plans to try to make. Remember not everythings has to be done today. Take it like recovery, One Day at a Time, One Task at a Time.
Don't forget to Breathe.
And remember the attorney, your A, or anyone else is not your source of security - our security and sanity comes from a power greater than ourselves - a Higher Power.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
thank you all for your words of wisdom and support, it really helps allot. Iknow that I can not rush this, that I need to find things our and then plan from there. I did go today and opened my own savings account as another bank from where our joint account is. I want to be able to put some money away if it is needed.
I was thinking about coming to a meeting here...we are on central time...is the info somewhere here on the site for days and times?? Thank you!
Hi Still Searching, At the top, left of this page there is "On-line Meeting Schedules". If you click that, it will bring up a page with the schedule and links to connect to the chat rooms and meetings. I hope to see you at one of the on-line meetings! Take care. Love in recovery, Leetle
