The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the psycologist from my 12 year old's schol called today. someone's mom called her and told her that my daughter has been "cutting" herself. i met a girl last year who was a "cutter" she had alot of other problems but cutting herself was her compulsion. i was blindsided by this info. my daughter has never ever been one to talk about her feelings. ever. i have just accepted that that is just her. like my 8 year old can and will tell me exactly how she feels and why even if i don't want to know. that's just how she is. apparently my 12 year old is being far more damaged by this disease and oru chaos than i thought. so, i ask the psy lady about councilors that may be on a sliding scale because i have no ideas as to how to handle this and obviously the way i have been handling it isn't working. i have always been so leary of any strange behavior in her. worried that she will be bi polar like my ex and his parents and sisters. i just make sure she gets a good amount of sleep and she is fine. not anymore. so i had to sit down and talk to her about it. and i was totally cool and made her laugh a little so she didn't think it is the end of the world but that this an issue that concerns me because it could be a sign of something much more serious. she listened but had nothing to say. she agreed that going to see someone was a good idea.i was very blunt with the fact that i don't know how to talk to her about our family issues. i told her i started seeing a counclor when i was 12 cause my grandpa died and my mom didn't know how to talk to me either. this is so hard. i was a stupid teenager who did stupid things but i was like 15 and even then i knew my half a head of blue hair was just a phase. i thought her black sweatshirt and same jeans everyday were just a phase and if i teased her enough she will grow out of it and find another way to embarrass me at the mall. i'm scared y'all.i was hoping that a mental illness would hold off till she was like 24 when it would be up to her to take care of it.
praying for god to put people i need in my life and this email buddy calls me......drunk. what? i'm not sure i got the message god.....here let me call my ex who hates me now because he invaded my privacy, read my journals and has decided to punish me for what i wrote.....surely i will get some love and support for our daughter from him(anything seem wrong with this picture? yeah, i thought so too) but i call and hear all about how he can;t get a lawyer to see the kids becasue i don't remember what his lame excuses were, no he's not sending me any support, i am a horrible mother and i should go to hell he's done with me. there's that brick wall again think i'll go ram my head into it a few more times!
i am screaming mad! it has taken a few days for it to sink in but what he did was wrong. he is sick. honestly a normal person might come at me with another option for him to see the kids. like them going to his place. or sugest councling as he no longer wants to be my friend to see how we can still be parents.i refuse to sugest any of this to him. sick of enabling him to be a decent dad. but more sick of being blamed for his not seeing the kids. he decided to not be here for them.one time is all it takes. we have had so many runs on "what to do when dad goes on a 3 month binge,6 month binge"the kids are barley phased. he got his 13 year old son drunk last may so there is no way in hell i will allow my kids to stay with him in his one room that he rents.
i am mad as hell.i call him for him to say, oh i am so sorry. we can do this together for the kids. i love you doesn't stop just cause we've divorced.i'll be here for you.damn it he obviously didn't get the memo. gotta laugh cause i don't know when i'll stop crying.....
Painful at best. Especially with your children. I read here at the board that you cry until your pillow is soaking wet. You cry until you get it all out and end up laughing.
Yeah, the A didn't come through - what else is new, eh? I found that the times when I most needed him were the times when he was most likely to throw it all back on me and make a disaster. When there was less pressure, and I didn't really need him so bad, he was usually OK (hmmm, pattern there....)
Anyway, you can't get support from him just now, but that doesn't mean there is no support. This is a time to maybe lean on the system, as hard as it will bear. The school should be able to point you in the right direction - let them know the whole story. There are social services, there is a way to get some help for this child. And for you. Are there alateen meetings in your town? That might be a place where she can talk out her feelings. The more she talks the less likely she is to cut, so far as I understand. Things really do lessen their weight when we say them out loud to another human - that is one of the reaons this program works.
It takes us as long as it does to really believe the A is so sick they cannot even care about their kids, or not cross what are normal boundaries.
My A read my journals after my first husband was killed in an accident.
When my mother was dieing, I called him and he says,"so are you sucking her dry?"
what? he said more, it was horrible. I was so shocked as I never heard him talk so evil before. But I did not know as I was up staying with my dieing mother, he was home drinking.
So how can you handle this different hon? Maybe not depend on him for anything.
My A did not pay any child support out of choice.
Cutting is a very serious thing. It is good it was caught early. It almost does not matter why, it is more ok what can you do.
she needs to be guided in how to work out her feelings in healthy ways. One thing is to go do something simple with just her like out for ice cream. Just talk about light stuff.
Ask her what she likes to do, or what would she really like to do, like gymnastics, swim, ride bikes, ride horses etc. Exercise is a great way to help all of us let out our stresses. Anti stressors are vital to all of us.
Has she gone to alanon? That would be perfect for her. Also many kids thing they are the cause of all the problems in the home. If she is hearing anything about dad and your problems, that has to stop.
Parents should never put each other down or discuss adult things in front of kids.
kids need a healthy environment. It is not as hard as you think hon. She needs as "normal" a life you can give her.
there are games that will get kids talking. All of you ladies could have a game time. Pictionary is fun, or a question game.
It is like anorexia or bulimia, ya don't focus on why, ya focus on what can we do to help.
The basics, healthy environ, healthy friends, lots of attention, help them with homework, healthy food, do fun things together, no drama, keep things light. Maybe get her a kitten or a dog to love.
I was a very emotional girl. I remember thinking about cutting. I was in so much pain I wanted to cut to let it out. My dad took me to get a German Shorthair puppy and that dog changed my life. Where I went, she went. We walked alllll over the place.
You are a good mom, you know what to do. You can get online and research cutting and find all kinds of info.
You can get a couselor if you like, but I beleive you can do it yourself.
I believe making your home happy and healthy will go a long ways in helping. Keeping the aism away is major.
Maybe a sponsor at an alanon face to face who has experience with kids influenced by aism would help.
Not all counselors know about aism. Avoid the ones who do not.
hugs and keep us updated. This is one thing for sure your love can help immensely and you being strong.
