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I've never posted here or been to an alanon meeting, or even talked to anyone. It's a long story so I'll just hit the basics and ask my question. My husband has a drinking problem. I wouldn't care so much except he is a MEAN drunk. He quit for 6 mos on his own after...: A) he threatened to beat the crap out of me B) I left C) he called the cops on me and said I hit him (I didn't) D) I stayed gone until he quit Well now he's drinking again, he wants to control it, but everyone knows (including him) that he can't, he's not capable of stopping after he's had the first drink. That's not my question. When he drinks he wets the bed. If he stops drinking 2-3 hours before he goes to bed he usually won't wet the bed. But the problem is he doesn't stop. He drinks until he's hammered and then goes right to bed. EVERY NIGHT so far. I don't know how to make it stop. Or more importantly to make him see that it needs to stop.I knowlongerclean it up. Inow make him do it. I've tried yelling, threatening, crying, ignoring it and him. I've tried acting like nothing happened.I can't deal with it anymore. I have nothing left inside, no anger, no happy, no love. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I'm ashamed. I'm tired of being insulted, and degraded. I'm just plaintired. Can anyone help me? Ican't talk to my friends anymore, or his parents, or my family. It's my problem to deal with I just can't anymore. I want my lifeback.I want to smile and laugh, Ijust want to live.
Most of us here have been in the exact situation as you are in...some of us still are. Log into a meeting online here...try to get to a Face to Face meeting near your home. Everything your experiencing is part of the disease of alcoholism.
My A-boyfriend wet the bed....then denied it was urine...all the time. He would be a mean drunk, a sad drunk, a happy drunk...all of the above. Until I came to the realization that I couldn't control anything he did, my life was unmanageable.
Keep coming back...post often. Focus on yourself and not him.
Steph - I am so sorry you have to deal with this in your life, but I am so happy you found this board. Al anon is such a wonderful program for those of us with addicts in our lives. We get sucked into the chaos and lose our sense of self. This is where we reclaim it! Try to get to a face to face meeting (you can call either the AA or Alanon hotlines in the phone book, or find it on the internet), ask for the newcomer information, it is so useful. I also recommend reading the AA Big Book, especially "the Chapter to the Wives."
Through this program you will learn that you didn't cause it, you can't contol it, and you can't change it. You will learn to set and keep boundaries, detach with love, and take care of yourself. You will reclaim as much as your life as you can. It takes time, energy and effort. You will have good days and bad, but things will get better and you will find a new clarity in your life. Keep coming back, we are here whenever you need us.
Welcome and I can completely relate to the bed wetting. My ex AH did that and it was no deterrent to his drinking either. They seem to have a distorted way of rationalizing why it happens and that is some how ok. Mine had no problem sleeping on the floor for days until it dried out. I lived on the couch for he last 6 months I was with him. Mine thought he could control his drining as well. But once that first beer was in hands it was all out. He would pass out on the kitchen bar, but to him it was falling asleep beause he works so hard. You are not alone.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I can truly relate to the bed wetting and to the mean part. We are not living together anymore. I have a different mattress on my bed, and I told him if he comes & spends the night, it won't be in my bed, unless we pad it down and make him wear a diaper. I thought I was alone in that one. When he passesout to sleep, thinking it is because he works so hard, he is trying to cover up the disease of alcoholism.
Keep coming here, post, and go to the online meetings. Try to find face 2 face meetings in your area too. I am unable to get out a lot, so I come here, and MIP has helped me immensely.
Welcome to the group. Stacie
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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
HE'S wetting the bed, and YOU'RE ashamed? Honey. are you ever in the right place.
It really doesn't have to be this bad. Alanon is the place where you can talk about these things - we know what it's like, we know that it's not as easy as "just leave him". Please, get to a face to face meeting if you can - there are links to the meetings at the top of the page. Until then, do some of our reading, look over the old posts here, come to chat if you can.
There is very little you can do about him, but there is a LOT you can do for you. You might find the tools so living with his behaviour does not destroy you, or you might find the strength to walk out that door - whichever is best for you. We've been there, and many of us still are, but the drunk's actions no longer control our happiness.
I am so sorry that you are hurting. I know hard this can be. But you are not alone in this. We are all right here with you. Look at my reply to Sash. The same holds true for you - recovery for you is absolutely possible. You can and will take your life back. You've made the first step by coming here. There is nothing, nothing to be ashamed of. (Although I know that feeling so well.)
Please make sure that above all your physical safety and well being comes first. Don't be afraid to leave if you ever feel threatened.I would hate to see anything happen to you.
There are many good local meetings to get to. We are also here for you. Please join us for them or come into open chat. There's many good resources here. Just keep coming back to us. I promise you will find your way in the darkness, because your Alanon family is shining the light down the tunnel. You just have to start walking. We're right beside you.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
We are not supposed to say "get away from him" but I truely believe you will not have YOU back until you do. In my case, I had to get my alcholic husband away from me and our kids. That's when I finally got my life backed before it was too late. It's a disease that can take you down with it. Your friends are not bad friends but after hearing the stories honestly what do you expect them to do? I didn't lose my friends but I did have to quit talking to them about my alcoholic because the only answer that was left was "leave him". Once he was out of the picture they all noticed how I was becoming happy. I was actually laughing and enjoying my life. I lived as if he were dead. After my best friend died of alcoholism I no longer wanted to deal with my alcoholic husband because I knew his death was right behind hers. I even called to see how much it was to cremate him to see if I had enough money. I was DONE. I can promise you this..........no matter how many "I'm sorry's" or "it won't happen again" you WILL get hit again if the drinking doesn't stop. They eventually have blackouts and won't remember. I have pictures of my black eye and twisted wrist and my husband is a gentle loving man. Please keep coming here. Hopefully we can help you find your strength to do what's best for you. It's not about him anymore, it's about you now. How can we help you become better.
