The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Powerless - some days that word seems so hopeless. Like such a sad word. Powerless. I remember when I first started this journey of recovery, I was grateful for Step 1 - That I was powerless over alcohol/drugs and the people that it affected. That it wasn't my fault. I wasn't responsible. The burden was lifted from my shoulders.
Today, I am in a different place. I see the need for compassion for the active A that still suffers from the disease, I have read, prayed, meditated, and prayed more to understand this cunning, baffling and powerful battle. Today, what is affecting my serenity, my heart, my peace is the same that affects probably all of us - the innocent little ones that are hurt by this disease. My grandchildren. It breaks my heart to see co-dependant behaviors in a 4 yr old. It breaks my heart to see sweet ones already assuming the blame for their parent's misery. These I can try to show another way - I can live my life as an example of a different way, but please dear God how in the heck do you help the unborn?
Our daughter is almost at 20 weeks in her pregnancy. She is definitely using RX, not sure what else. Vicodan, Ambien, and Phenergan. Just to name a few. Maybe a little occasionally wouldn't be that bad if medically necessary, but we all know addicts don't do anything "little" or "occasionally" - Sweet innocent little baby. Her other 2 children are living with others. She has lost parental rights to them.
I'm letting go & turning this over to the care of the God of my understanding. I'm taking care of me, setting boundaries, not answering the phone, not talking to her while she is on this "binge". Not letting it consume my every thought - Doing the Next Right Thing - But just sending this out to my MIP family, getting the emotions, feelings, frustrations and all else out so it doesn't come out sideways.
Powerless - geez this really strikes up my co-dependant behaviors too. This one I don't want to be powerless over. This one I want to fix. Don my red cape & it's SuperRita to save the Day.
Can't. Nothing I can do. Nothing but focus on my own recovery. and Pray.
So here, I've posted, I've vented, journaled, prayed and prayed some more. Going to a meeting tonight.
And clinging to the promise that "This too shall pass"
Peace to you and all your little ones affected by this disease, Rita
e the load they are carrying.
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I am doing the same thing you are doing. I printed off a copy of that letter from addiction to remind me of how powerless I am.
I do not forget however, that my God is not powerless. Prayer is the most powerful thing we , as humans, have. I think this is truly the answer ...even though we may not actually see the results.
My God says He knows us when we are formed in the womb... and He has a plan for us. That includes that little unborn child.
I look at all my children and grandchildren and I realize I have no idea what God's plan for their lives is ...but I choose to trust anyway.
I'm so sorry you are hurting with this. Blessings and serenity to you.
I'm sorry you are hurting. It is so sad to see the helpless unborn affected by their parents choices. I see this everyday in my job, and somehow someway HP finds a way to get them to safety or place them with people who will love and care for them. Not every child gets a fair break in the system and that is sad. I will pray for your daughter and her unborn child and that somehow this baby will be born into safety. Stay strong, HP may choose to use you as a healing instrument for your grandchildren some day.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
(((rita)))) sorry about this, I know the sorrow you must feel for that innocent child. I am a grandma too, and my little g.d. is being raised by her non-A mom, and an A-daddy. I worry about her all the time, she lives 6 hours away, but there is nothing I can do. Just pray. Just pray. I will keep you in my prayers, as well, and the grandbabies. Love in Recovery, Becky1
I cringe just reading the possibilities of narcotics she's abusing. I can only imagine the grievious amount of pain you're in. If it makes a difference to you Rita, technically speaking I am an FAS baby. I am slated to graduate this coming autumn from college. Hold on tight to the solutions of an infinate higher power.
My f2f meeting last night was on Chapter 10 of How Al-Anon Works - Changed Attitudes. Great topic & there were great shares from the members.
One of the very special ladies in the group always says to me, "Rita you are just adding more to your story everytime you go through something trying".
And she's right. I guess this is just something my HP is going to want me to share about as I tell my story of recovery.
I have been asked to share my story at an AA Anniversary meeting in Houston,TX on April 29th. I'm sure that my HP will use me to say something that someone will need to hear.
Thanks again for the love & support.
Peace to you my friends, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
