The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thought I would let you know my daughter who is a Sr in High School this year came by today to show off her tatoo. lol
Not sure what she expected from us but we looked at it and said it looked nice but didn't want one for ourselves. She said she was surprised..she expected us to go off. lol
The past few months since she's moved out of the house we have been "allowing her the dignity" to make her own choices. She wrote a lot of checks without the money to cover them in her account; the bank finally closed her account and .... not once did I offer to pick up any of her checks!! WE simply told her we were sure she could manage working this trouble out in her own way...she's smart. So far she has.
She had also missed several days of school and even though her grades were still very good, the school told her she had to go to some Saturday school. She was not happy about that!!! lol But I told her that was between her and the Principal and I was sure they could work it out. They did and she did attend the Sat. school for a couple hours. The big thing for me is that I never interfered or tried to tell her what to do. I put the responsibility back on her to make her decisions. I so remember something I read about allowing others the responsiblility and dignity to make their own decisions and choices.
It actually felt good.
Truly this is a program of progress not perfection and I am so proud and happy to be a part of the recovery process!!!!!
The 14 yr old grandaughter is still living here, but I have made certain that she realizes that she does have a mother and keep the communications open with her mother and allow her to make major decisions. Her mother is currently arranging and making progress toward them being reunited and living together again and that's progress.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful patience and helpful suggestions. I'm so proud to be part of this family!
good for you!!! I love seeing a parent allowing their growing child, to find their own power, to get thru learning experiences.
We all learn by goofing up. Hopefully anyway.
My tatoo story is...
"NO Raini, no tatoo until you are eighteen!" Some time later I see some packages of neosporin in the bathroom. Did not give it much thought.
Later Raini has a bandaid just above her ankle...OHHHH a few days later, duh, packages of neo, band aid... TATOO!
Raini!!?? Yes three tats going down her leg to her ankle cute hearts. First one about quarter size then nickle then dime.
sigh she was just about eighteen. shaking head. Times change uno? Used to be if your roots showed you were a slut. If you had tats you were a slut. If you wore a lot of makeup you were a slut. If your hiphuggers showed your underweare you were a slut. UMMm if your bra strap showed... if your slip showed, if you could see thru your blouse...
When I read my post again this morning, I thought, well that sounded like it was all so nice and simple!
It wasn't and isn't !!!!!
As far as goofing up Deb?? You bet I have! Still do! If you remember from my posts, this "daughter" is actually a grandaughter I have had since a baby. Before her I had 4 children and my current hubby had 2. Boy, have I ever goofed up!!!!
It hasn't been as easy as my post sounded. It absolutely broke my heart when this daughter moved out in December. When I saw her making so many mistakes with that checking account of hers there were times I wanted so badly to "help". It is taking someone greater than myself to see me through these times. I know if it were left up to my self will I would be a blubbering idiot ....again! I have been several times before.
I told her there were a lot more imporotant things I would be more concerned about for her than a tatoo. I don't like them, but that's me.
Anyway, just wanted y'all to know it wasn't near as easy as I made it sound. lol
Go irish! I'm thinking of getting a tattoo for myself. When I found out dad had drank up all the money for my study abroad trip to ireland, I was crushed. But then I reaslized, hey this will give me an opportunity to get that tatoo I always wanted!
Who knows, someday the mood might hit me and I'll go get my own tatoo. LOL LOL Only problem is ........with all this "extra weight" and let's just say "folds" ......... no telling what it might look like.
Hers is a small 4 leaf clover. Maybe she needs that.
I have been several times before.
