i want to let y'all know i am feeling much better. better than i have in the past week and a half. saner. and that is thanks to you guys, the wise people in my f2f meetings and hp. who knows how long this peace within me will last so i want to post and say thank you. nothing has changed except me. i brought up my situation at my meeting this morning and received so much positive feedback. just as much as i get here but the hugs were different! venting here and listening and reading that i am not alone with this disease makes all the difference in the world.

progress not perfection. someone said perspective. what an incredible gift the universe gave him and me. his reading of all of my journals, my private thoughts gave my ex ah truth about what this disease has done to me. more so than 100 years of councling could have given him. no one was telling him how i felt or what he has done, he choose to seek it out and read it for himself. granted it was without permission and a huge violation of my privacy. i have every right to be angry. "normal" people would be angry. in my sickness i wanted to be punished for his reading my real feelings and his being hurt and mad about it. what? that's crazy! he is punishing me for what he did. he is sick. his actions are that of a sick person. i am not imaging that. it is true. i have my issues and faults but right this minute in this situation might not be the time for me to examine them. by doing so i wind up doing things that hurt me, him and the kids. a small step towards detatching with love.thinking it thru it is very true that i do not want him back. or the life i was living with him. hp didn't bring me this far to drop me on my head. one moment at a time. i know the truth about what i have and haven't done. that is really all that matters.

again, thank you all so very much for being here with love and support. and thanks to my hp for this program....