The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain.
In such cases, we have not received the behavior or outcomes we expected or believed we deserved.
We feel this kind of feel pain in cases when * people * do not behave to us in the ways that we had expected as well as in situations where * life * does not give us what we feel we need or deserve.
We believe, "I cannot feel happy unless I get that which I believe I need."
We have associated our security, satisfaction, self-worth or freedom with something that we are not getting from persons, society, God, or life as a whole.
Some examples might be when: 1. Others lie to or deceive us. 2. They do not support us when we need them. 3. They reject or criticize us. 4. We fail at some task, which we feel that we should have succeeded at. 5. We loose a loved one. 6. Our loved one shows preference to another. 7. People important to us do not show us the respect we expect. 8. Others do harm to us or our loved ones. 9. We are accused of doing or saying something we did not do. 10. When are falsely suspected of having ulterior motives. 11. "Friends" gossip about us behind our backs. 12. We are not given the raise of promotion we believe we deserve at work. 13. Others do not keep their agreements with us. 14. We are robbed. 15. We lose our fortune in some way.
You can add many more situations in which we feel hurt because we have not received the respect, love, affection, loyalty, truth, kindness and justice that we were expecting.
*** Positive Alternatives to Feeling Hurt ***
Positive alternatives to feeling hurt, bitterness and injustice could be:
1. * We can have Faith * in divine wisdom and justice.
We are all in a process of evolution and nothing can happen to us, which is not exactly what we need in order to learn our next lesson. So rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings, we can seek to discover what we can learn through this experience.
Our lessons usually have to do with discovering the strength, security and self-worth, which are within us. As souls in the process of evolution, we are constantly being directed to contact and bring to the surface our spiritual self.
This means realizing that we are whole within and can feel safe, worthy and fulfilled regardless of what is happening around us.
Thus, every event which might cause us to feel pain is also a great opportunity to contact our inner spiritual self and move on and beyond this pain.
2. We are the sole creators of our reality.
We as souls create our reality through:
a. Our past choices, thoughts, words and actions. b. Our present conscious and subconscious beliefs, feelings and needs. c. The lessons we have chosen to learn at this stage of our evolutionary process. d. How we subjectively interpret what is happening.
Thus others are simply actors in the scenarios of our life the script of which we have written. We can create a happier reality by:
a. Transforming our conscious and subconscious beliefs. b. Learning our life lessons. c. Interpreting events in a different way as opportunities for growth rather than as injustices.
2. Forgiving and forgetting the past.
In light of what we have said above, others are not responsible for our reality and thus can easily be forgive. Such forgiveness frees us from negative feelings and allows us to transcend pain.
Thus we can overcome emotional pain by:
1. Realizing that every event is exactly what we need for our evolutionary process.
2. Learn the lessons involved.
3. Forgive others and ourselves. Be Well
From a personal file
__________________
Giving to others, from the heart..is what its all about..
Thanks Phil.....you wrote just what I am going thru, emotional pain. Hurting like hell. I printed of a copy of this so I can reread it at will. Maybe I can get some of it to soak into my thick skull Thanks again. Love in Recovery, Becky1
We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain.
it's only been a few weeks since I started to see how this could work in my daily interactions with my A. Something clicked in my head, and it hit me that OF COURSE he won't do x y and z, and it's a waste of my emotional energy to expect it. So I don't expect him to speak to me in a respectful manner at all times, I don't expect him to get himself organized and effectual, or to carry through on his myriad ideas/promises/whatevers.
Letting go of that expectation was memorable. It was a somber moment, but I also just knew I could finally stop hurting. I could stop my hurting by not expecting certain things. If I expected him to do what he actually does do, well then I could ignore him, let it fly past me. There are no rages to fly into if he does what I expect. For the first time in some ways I'm seeing my A for exactly what he is, not what he used to be or what I hope for. This is not an angelic moment, I have to admit my A is just as likely to spiral into hell again as he is to breathe. It is not an emotional thing, it's a fact. It's awful knowing this and watching it, but it's infinitely WORSE to also beat myself into a pulp trying to 'make' him fly right.
So instead of so much pain, I feel sadness. Sadness I can deal with, because it's true. I can be kind to myself when I'm sad, kind to others, and in spite of the sadness enjoy many things going on in my life, like baby goats I bottle feed and commiserating with the very pregnant ones. The pain would suck me dry and I enjoyed nothing at all. So I'm grateful to all of the wisdom available in this program, and that a few of the promises are coming true too. Whatever comes I think I can handle it very differently now, not perfectly, but much better.
Thanks for sharing this for it is just what I needed today. I was about to wallow in my disappointment for the whole day but I came here instead and I am so grateful I did. I feel like a miracle happens every time I come here because I always get a reminder of what is important and what I can let go. Thanks again Julie
