The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is very strange that the days my A is depressed i am strong, but the days he is ok... i am the one depressed.
I am the one who cancelled the wedding. I am the one who is taking over the home loan. I am the one making all the decisions to move on... Yet i am so sad.
i spend so many days just happy that this part of my life will soon be over and i wont have to deal with him as my partner anymore. But on days like today, i am devastated that my life has come to this. That i am leaving the love of my life coz i cant cope with the drinking. That i can cope with anything the world throws at me, and i will deal with anything my partner would throw my way...anything but the drinking. So many times i have dropped to my knees and looked up at the sky and cried for help. I am in denial that my life has turned out like this...
It's okay to mourn what you had hoped would be. Give yourself permission to acknowledge the feelings, feel them, and then let them go. But be proud of yourself for realizing that it would never come true. There are a lot of here who didn't figure it out until it was too late.
arty wrote: It is very strange that the days my A is depressed i am strong, but the days he is ok... i am the one depressed.
I am the one who cancelled the wedding. I am the one who is taking over the home loan. I am the one making all the decisions to move on... Yet i am so sad.
i spend so many days just happy that this part of my life will soon be over and i wont have to deal with him as my partner anymore. But on days like today, i am devastated that my life has come to this. That i am leaving the love of my life coz i cant cope with the drinking. That i can cope with anything the world throws at me, and i will deal with anything my partner would throw my way...anything but the drinking. So many times i have dropped to my knees and looked up at the sky and cried for help. I am in denial that my life has turned out like this...
Just another SHITTY day
You have great courage, it takes a lot to deal with what you have face on, I admire that and it is horrible as you have a lot of love for this person and have invested a lot of time and energy.
It sounds liek to me that you are in the transition period. And at least for me whenever I am in transition it is sometimes sad. One of the things I had to learn how to do was give myself permission to be sad. It's scary for me. I'm afraid that if I let myself be sad I'll never stop being sad. And then I'll die of being sad. But an amazing thing happens when I let myself feel my feelings. I don't die of them. In fact, as I process through them, I grow. So, at least for me, the most important thing I've ever learned how to do, at least so far, is grow in the transition periods. The feeligns that come along with them? They will not kill me. Let yourself have a shitty day. You have my permission.
How could you NOT grieve . . . it is so very sad, a terrible loss for you, of dreams and plans and futures, all that besides losing the love of your life. I'd respect this shitty mood you're in :D. You are mourning a real death, and for a significant loss. It's so very OK, and my thoughts will be with you as you move through this into a brighter day.
Thomas Moore (the guy who wrote Care of the Soul) urges people to relax into a crappy day, even doing rituals like writing letters, burning them, and burying mementos in the back yard to give respect to the losses and griefs. I fought with my 'depressions' my whole life, resisted the bad days, and eventually I accepted them as part of life. They still suck pond scum, and I'm very relieved when the acute pain passes, but 'going into' the feelings, taking it very easy on myself, even babying myself a little, makes the period of time where I am feeling HORRIBLE a little less horrible. Going to an fTf meeting and just sitting there around others in recovery works wonders just by osmosis, I think.
I hear you. I think that we are in a similar place. I think that the gift to you is that you can say it truthfully that you are having a shitty day. My AHsober wants a divorce. Since he moved out 2 years ago I have taken over many of the financial responsibilities. He just doesn't pay attention anymore. I have found out what I know and don't know. I know alot more than I thought. I know that I can be self sufficient. I know that I can get help from other people.
I am so sad that my life has come to this. I loved being married as difficult as it was sometimes. I loved having my family. And I am so sad that this is all ending. And that makes two of us who are on our knees praying for my HP to take my pain away. Read my post about my denial. I am sure that denial protects us and that we will face everything when we are ready. I know that there are better times for us.
