The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, those of you who know me know I have been struggling as of late with being in love with an active A, my husband. And it has been tearing me up inside. Last night, I lay awake thinking. I do that from time to time... I started thinking about Christopher Reeves, the guy we all knew as "Superman" who was tragically paralyzed. And his wife stood by him. I have been missing so much my husband's arms around me. I have been missing the closeness we used to have. I have been told by wise souls here that I am expecting my husband to give me something he cannot. Something he does not have. Because of his disease. I started to think about Dana Reeves, Christopher's wife. I'm sure there were many nights she wept, just remembering the feel of her husband's strong arms around her, too. But he could not. I'm sure there are times she desperately wanted to tell him "just get up and WALK!" But he could not. She loved him anyway. All of their lives. I am going to attempt to look at things from a different angle now. I am married to a man with a disease that paralyzes him. It is alcoholism. He may never get sober. He may never want to. That is my reality. My other reality is that I can stay or I can go. No one is holding me hostage, least of all him. I cannot change my husband, no matter how much I love him. I cannot make him better. I have been in Alanon over a year, and still butt my head against Step #1. I know better, but my heart is stubborn. If I stay, (and I have no plans to leave,) I need to get better. I need to work harder. I need to pray more, listen more, learn more. Thanks to all who listen and understand me. Love in Recovery, Becky1
You know all about my situation....I had the physical stuff...All the pleasures with him...The holding in his arms....But It was just an action.....I wanted it to mean so much more......But he was incapable of having the emotions, to go along with it....
I have placed him inside my heart....And I have no expectations.....I still love him very much, want to spend my life with him.....But I also need to find myself.....Because IF and thats a BIG IF......In the future we do get together again.....Both of us will have to have gone through more recovery.....
I am glowing in my recovery...He is not... So, PLEASE... Concentrate on YOU....Put him away in your heart for a wee while.....
I am always here for you...If you need to talk...
We All love you.....You are a fellow nutjob...rofl
Wow, what a wonderfully insightful way of re-examing things and looking at a situation that you can't control in a different and more productive way. I am in awe of your growth in just 24 hours! Good for you. Now, THAT had to be your HP working on you.
Keep doing what you're doing, dear friend, because you are working it all out and doing so well.
Thank you for that share I really needed to hear that today. I too am struggling with accepting my husbands active addiction and how that is paralyzing his emotions, his thoughts, and decisions. Keep looking to HP to give you the strength to stick to your recovery. I continue to remember the phrase "Let it Begin with Me".
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
When in doubt, always go back to Step 1. See? You're doing better in your recovery than you think. You know what to do. Sometimes that little nagging voice of self doubt creeps in. We all have it, and like it or not it can be pesky at times. Now you have just swatted it away. Way to go!
Love and blessings to you and your family. Love to the kitties.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When I read your post I think about "Detachment with love" and, "We want more for them than they want for themselves." Both those things are so useful to know (you obviously do) - it helps in our recovery.
