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Maggi is again dealing with death..... It seems of late for the last 2 years every so often Maggi is dealing with death issues. Last week it was the death of my mothers brother and although it had no direct impact on me , hearing my mom process it was hard to see my mom fragile and unable to process all those things we fail to do and wish we had done.
This week is is a man in my son in laws unit killed in Iraq 19 years old and again maggi just has to console son in law that can ont process it. My friend Denise who was so instrumental when Ed Died in giving me support is daily at hospice awaiting her Dad's death after bening placed in hospital on monday. Maggi is supporting. Then yesterday my childrens dad un cle , someone that was an A in my kids life and had negative impact on them was killed in a head on collision and my oldest called to tell me how and what impact it has on their dad.
My son in law who is suffering PSTD has to be watched for increased signs as this young persons death will only serve to surface Iraq and what they faced over there to my son in law as he attended the wake last evening and then the funeral today. His wife my daughter who is already beyond extended dealing with her kids and husbands PTSD and working a full time job with great demands will now have to attend this wake and funeral of fathers uncle and process more......To me all of this means reprocessing Ed's death and working on living past that.
And again be there for Denise as she was for me in my time of need. Part of me knows this is reality of life. Another part of me is saying this is enough! I am tired and weary from processing.......Then yet another part of me is trying to put thing in perspective. Are we our Brothers keeps ? Are we to only be concerned with that which directly has impact on our life? and what responsibility do I have as I have received love and support? Is it not a natural thing to give it right back?
In addition why do i feel so numb? Just plain and ordinary numb. Absent of emotions>although I tend to cry or feel sad at times but primarily today just numb. I know in my heart that there is a lesson here. My God only gives me things to learn from, but my being is tired of processing and has surrender it to him. In they absence of knowing all I can do is to ask for prayers. That my kids will have an easier transition for all they have to face. That all that left this world left in peace. And that all of us go to happier times with the joy of life again...... When you know that the storms are over and everyday is a joy in just waking.
It is sometimes very difficult to lay down during the storms and await there passage and for me and mine this is one of those times.....I do not feel abandoned by my hp and I beleive my kids also do not......yet somehow I can n ot explain how it is I feel it is just numbingly different
Not absence of peace nor revelation in it .......I do however feel just among the living. thank you in advance for the anticipated prayers
You are dealing with so much and yet you have given so much. You have so many loving people in your life, if not, you would not be feeling the terrible pain of loved ones deaths and deaths of their loved ones. We can only lose people to death when we have had them in our lives. And for that..........you can rejoice at having known them and had them in your life as you now mourn their loss. I am so so sorry you are going through this and I am equally sorry that your daughter and friend are dealing with it, as well. Your HP will come through for you, as he already has by giving you this numb feeling. I think HP does that for us in times of grief and pain, so we can better deal with the pain after the numbness wears off. I have found that to be so true during the many times I have had to deal with death. Last year, it was like that for me.......lost so many people in such a short amount of time. It seemed like all I had time to do was to grieve or help others that were grieving. HP gave me all I needed to get through it all and as you know, he will give you all you need, too. What a comforting knowledge that is. Please know that you are loved and I care and you have my deepest sympathy. You and your loved ones are in my prayers. Hold on and just let HP love you and comfort you during this time. This is one of the times, he can carry you and it will just be his set of footprints in the sand. I pray he fills you with his peace and surrounds you with his angels.
I also have dealt with death all my life... Family over the years....And I went into a profession where it's a daily occurance.... But I was always very sensitive and emotional about these things...Not always in public.....But very much so in private.....
Something I have noticed since I joined Al-Anon...I have lost that....I no longer become emotional....I no longer cry as outright as i did...If at all nowadays.... It's like I have accepted death is part of living...If you know what I mean...
I don't like it.. I hate losing people...But I know it is inevitable that we all will die....
Maybe this is my HP telling me Life goes on....Because I never believed that one....
I cried more for a broken relationship as you know...And that makes me feel selfish, uncaring,tough....But My life has been full of heartbreak, including death of loved ones....
Maybe I have a chance here to start a life of my own....And stop all the negative thoughts...As I too am numb where death is involved...
Does it make us bad people NOPE....Maybe we are coping with what we have maggi, in a way we only know we can.
Wow, I understand, too much all at once, and hard enough for us to process individually but I find watching loved ones process their grief very painful as well, especially our children.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I remember a time when within a year I went to 21 funerals of friends and relatives. The week my Mom passed, I not only had to deal with her death, but 2 others. It's no wonder your numb. I was the same way. I was there for everyone else and was on autopilot. My sister was furious with me for not crying at her funeral. Eventually I did, in my time. In one way being numb is a way of self protection. If I numb myself to others even for a while, I won't hurt.
There is so much going on in your life right now, that maybe you are in self protection mode. I would be more worried if this numbness continues for an extended period of time. Because it can back fire. For now, you'll grieve when you're ready. When things quiet down you'll start feeling again. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers tonight.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
i too understand what your going through, like karilynn said. death and grieving is different for each of us. i believe that you too believe your going to beallright in time. But if your not its perfectly allright to talk with a grievance counselor about it. they're really wonderful people toooo, like you ((maggi.))
Remembering "HALT." i remember the feeeling numb, exhausted and tired. not eating as I should for strength, being angry and confused about these kinds of things happening at alll ...around and in my life. to Me? that ...well, just from the internal worrying and you're((Maggi)) such sweet caring for and of your family and other love ones can take its own toll. on You. please find a quiet place to rest. be sure to eat good healthy food not junk. ... and let your person stop and enjoy some moments during the day ~ all for you. stop and let the sunshine on your face . ... or let the rain fall upon your face.... stop and smell the flowers in bloom. life is good. beautiful life. you are so blessed, maggi.
take what you like and leave the rest. I love ya bunches tooo!!
Keep Looking uP. HPs/God gotcha! there to hold you tooo. to guide and help you take care of you . this too shall pass (((Maggi))) you will feel better. time takes care of us in this respect. your in my thoughts and prayers for strength. ((BiGHuG)))
And Again tongiht, My best firiend denises dad died today at 2pm . I am better at dealing with it at the moment but I sure hope this is the end of it I do want to than kevceryone that had words of encouragement It was grately appreciated
((maggi.)) 
and tired. not eating as I should for strength, being angry and confused about these kinds of things happening at alll ...around and in my life. to Me? that ...well, just from the internal worrying and you're((Maggi)) such sweet caring for and of your family and other love ones can take its own toll. on You. please find a quiet place to rest. be sure to eat good healthy food not junk. ... and let your person stop and enjoy some moments during the day ~ all for you. stop and let the sunshine 
on your face . ... or let the rain fall upon your face.... stop and smell the flowers in bloom. 
life is good. beautiful life. you are so blessed, maggi.
I love ya bunches 
tooo!!