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You all know my latest dilema about my broken relationship......Well, I sent him a letter on Wednesday, telling him how I have been feeling the last six weeks since it ended. I was honest and I told him everything.....How he had been really cruel to me, In the manner in which he treated me.......
So this morning (Sat) He sent me a text asking If I wanted to chat.....I went into chat to him....He wanted to know why I was depressed....not sleeping, eating etc.... He said It was the way I read the text....lol So I said to him..."Find new friends and leave me in peace" HOW else can you read that text, It has one meaning and one meaning only..... So he admitted okay, he could have put it a better way.....
He also admitted, he felt I wanted more, than he could give from the relationship, and he got scared.... I understand that, and I asked him why he could not talk to me about it.....He said at the time, he just needed his space......
He said he wants us to stay friends.......
I am really struggling with this part.....Can I be only friends with him.....He knows I love him...I feel sad today because I know there will be nothing between us....But I really don't know If I can cope with being "Just friends".....
Is this possible.......I can be friends to talk to him... But is it always going to be in my head that I wanted more.......
He encouraged me to get right into my programme, work with my sponsor, and change for ME... No-one else, and he reminded my that Happiness comes from within..Not from any one person... Also he has watched me for years working through a pattern... I get depressed, cheer up for a while and go back again.....He said I need to change and beat this once and for all.... This surprised me...lol That he had taken such an interest in my life...when I thought he didnt care....
Has anyone experienced this before...lol What did you do?????
Do I work on me and keep the friendship??? Or do I let it go????
From one nutjob to another, you'll be okay. I have experienced the friendship thing. Only you can decide what is best for you. Right now, you may not be able to be friends until more healing and growth comes from both sides. Nobody says you have to make this decision right now. Remember friendships take work and dedication too. I am very lucky. I married one of my best friends. But there was a time and place where we couldn't be friends. We had been friends in college, but we were with other people. He eventually married and we didn't see each other for years. Relationships evolve and can morph into other things. Sometimes we aren't meant to be friends with someone whome we've been intimate with. Sometimes they can. But only time will tell. Remember if you do decide to be friends, what if he finds someone else to be with? Can you stand by and be the loving and supportive friend? I know I couldn't. But that's me. Give yourself time to heal and grieve for the relationship that once was. Then take it from there. Rome wasn't built or destroyed in a day. Neither are relationships of any kind.
Be the sweet, loving, nutty Ally you are. All will be well. Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty (who is also a nutjob!)
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
sweet ally, you said it yourself. You cannot be friends. In your heart, you still feel a different way about him.
We cannot make something into something it is not. In time and work, if you want to, you will get yourself more comfortable with the way things are.
It may take a lot of hard experiences for you to really let go.
Seeing my husband with another female, really tweaked me. big time. I know it was the A. They both looked like used up lowlifes. He was mean and rude to me.
That and many other awful things tore my love for him away.
I understand what made ya write to him. I did that too. Now after he treated me so rudely, I wish I had not sent it. He does not deserve me or my love.
I know he is A but that is NO excuse to be mean and rude to a lady.
If I were you I would keep moving on. do what you love to do, get yourself busy.
If I think of mine I stop and think of something else. real easy these days.
maybe it is something you will have to give yourself time to figure out. when I start obsessing, I have started to tell myself to "stop" and "be still". i don't have to figure it out this minute, let alone today. Trust in your higher power, Ally and trust in yourself.
breathing and focusing on what makes me feel good helps me to stop projecting. its all going to work itself out with or without me.lol. i enjoy reciting some favorite slogans....or a devotional or three ... haha. get myself back in the moment is so very free~ing. It works, ally. Time does prove it to be so.
So glad you are here! Keep Coming Back. Keep Looking UP!
Enjoyed talking to you tonight, but I neglected to tell you how sorry I was that you were hurting. Your pain came across in your share so clearly, but inspite of your own feelings you once again made a sincere effort to console others (like me ). Although you are asking here, I am hardly anyone to offer advice on such matters as relationships, so I won't be giving you any tonight. It is such a difficult thing, yet the concept seems so simple on the surface. Ignorant as I am, it seems to me that everyone wants (needs) to love someone; to have a special person to share intimate secrets, while asking only that they receive the same love and understanding in turn. How can such a simple idea be so difficult to achieve? Yet there it is facing us everyday. One way or another, I hope you are able to resolve your own situation in a way that doesn't leave too many scars. You have a glow about you that affects others; you can pull people up. Not everyone can do this, and you have the gift of being good at it. I cannot help you personally inside, and probably no one else can either. I can only offer you some meager external words of encouragement and hope that they will somehow offset some of the pain.
i've had to stop myself, more than twice, mind you, about living in the misery that could be called my "love" life. being in program has showed me that living in the past or what could've been is a one way ticket for being depressed, anxious, irritable and discontent.
like aunitedway mentioned, i attempt to keep myself in the here and now. i have faith that HP will get me through, HP, meetings, picking up the 500LB phone, bringing the focus back to me and my program. everything works itself out in the end -- if it is not worked out, it is not the end.
those darn expectations i have on other people get me all the time. why can't she love me like i love her? why can't this person understand? why can't that person see the right path? okay okay God. why can't i realize that i'm powerless over ______ (alcohol, people, people pleasing, etc etc).
i find myself needing to "Turn it over to HP" and granting HP the acknowledgment that he/she is putting what i need in my life at any given time.
love ya, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
For me, trying to be "friends" with someone I am in love with is very painful. My husband mostly acts like we are "friends", well, except on the days he acts like we are mortal enemies. Once the "romantic love" feelings fade, maybe. I can run into my exhusband at the store, and we just chat. It is like our marriage never happened. I was not truly in love with him, though. My current husband, I know I could not remain just friends with him should our marriage dissolve completely. To see him with another woman would devestate me beyond words. Take it day by day, Ally. Your heart will guide you. Only you know what it can take. Love in Recovery, Becky1
IN my experience I found that trying to be friends with ah has helped me to detach. I realized the "in love" feeling wasn't really there. I loved what I thought he could be and I loved him as a friend (a really bad friend) but I loved him. By me requesting we are friends first I've realized I've grown apart from him. I needed that time to find myself and not focusing on him so much, I found me. I found who I was and I found that I was better then what he was giving me. If I choose to walk away from this marriage I will be ok with it. I gave it all I could. I've come to the acceptence part of my journey and I like it here. It's peaceful, unlike the previous years. I want to stay here and never go back where we were. You can find alot about yourself with "space" Good luck. I hope you find what your looking for ^i^
so very free~ing. It works, ally. Time does prove it to be so.
So glad you are here! Keep Coming Back. Keep Looking UP
! 
((ally))
Worth iT!
