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My ah lives on the other coast because of his job. He found a place with two guys. One of them is an alcoholic, smokes crack and watches pornography. Nasty. So my ah accidentally gave my cell phone number to his roomate! This guy is using my ah for a ride. WTH? I told my ah that he needs to move out of there asap. My ah is staying sober, not sure how but everytime I talk to him he sounds very sober. Since my ah is not drinking WHY is he living with these people? Wouldn't you think he would be smart enough to find another place or better yet, sleep in his truck? I'm trying not to get mad at ah but his situation is NOT healthy for him. What should I say to him?
Many people have posted here and said "he will do what he will do...what are you going to do?". Words of wisdom.
I doubt there is anything you can say to him that will make him change his situation, so this is the point where you turn it over to your HP and concentrate on your end of things. Not easy to do.
If your husb has truley commited himself to sobriety it won't matter where he is living or with whom. I personally know a few bartenders that have managed to stay clean and sober in AA for yrs . We don't have the right to choose our husb friends and I am sure if u think about it your wouldn't allow him to choose yours either. You have a right to express your concern and let it go . Alcohol and drugs are available anywhere . The decission is his . Louise
Have to agree here. If you have let him know ONCE that you are worried about his choice of roomates, you have had your chance to have your say - from now on it is none of your business.
An addict is gonna do what an addict is going to do. There is nothing you can do about it. He's an adult with choices to make. There are many clean addicts who still have friends who are active. Perhaps his sobriety might make an impression on them. I'd be proud of the fact that he is staying sober under those circumstances and I would tell him so. If he is working a program, he knows what to do. There are plenty of meetings he can get to no matter where he is. You've voiced your concern, now turn him over to his HP. Let Go and Let God.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I will I did voice my opinion. When I talked to my ah this morning I guess the "drunk" he lives with started an arguement with my ah and my ah went into his room and locked the door to ignore the "drunk". He said "honey, if I was ever that way to you I am soooooo sorry" I said "oh you were" He said he is looking for a place right away. I guess what goes around comes around huh? I think him seeing a staggering drunk who made no sense what so ever was a great thing for him to see. He couldn't handle it for an hour....now he's thinking "omg I did that to her for eight years" Let's just say he is very nice to me...lol ;) Love you all, thanks for replying to me. mwah
I just read a post that stated you were not in a program yourself , I was told along time ago that an alcoholic dosent have a hope in hell of staying sober , going home to an old idea . I was the old idea HA! that went over really well with me . I have been called many things but never an old idea hehe . this person went on to say that its not just the alcoholic that needs to change we all have to change . I had a part in the mess we called a marriage and I needed to take care of my side of this relationship in a healthier manner than I had been . I learned what needed to be fixed with me by me and I left him to AA . so far so good 19 yrs sober and holding . good luck Please find your own program and recover with him . Hugs
Hi Abbyal, I love and appreciate the candor of your response. Seems like we don't always tell each other the truth sometimes.
I am working at not focusing on what was done to me, but more on what I am doing for me today Keeping my side of the street clean and not focusing on telling others how to keep their side of the street clean.
Hun, physically going inside a building does not change a person. I have three children that I am a stay at home mother for and do not have a sitter to go to al anon meetings. I do however go to church on a regular basis (which is a program) and I have also had extensive counseling dealing with ah. I think you are judging me and you have no idea. I am very grounded when it comes to his alcholism. Maybe you were the problem in your relationship but that's not the case in ours. I used to be part of the problem I'm sure but not now. I haven't been for years. Thanks for the reply anyhow. :)
I did voice my opinion. When I talked to my ah this morning I guess the "drunk" he lives with started an arguement with my ah and my ah went into his room and locked the door to ignore the "drunk". He said "honey, if I was ever that way to you I am soooooo sorry" I said "oh you were" He said he is looking for a place right away. I guess what goes around comes around huh? I think him seeing a staggering drunk who made no sense what so ever was a great thing for him to see. He couldn't handle it for an hour....now he's thinking "omg I did that to her for eight years" Let's just say he is very nice to me...lol ;)