The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You all know my situation with my broken relationship.......WELL!!!!! I have been in here since friday last week (in chat) after being offline for three weeks! I have shared about six times over the five meetings Saturday and Sunday....It's like I am NOT in control of my fingers...lol
But in saying that, the topics have been just what I have needed, and I feel so much better for getting all this "Balony" out of my head...lol
I'm not having many good days, maybe one in a week.. I had GREAT day on Sunday in the chatroom, I was back to the old Ally, laughing with roomies, talking with newbies, I felt worth something again... I kept thinking.. this is too good to be true Ally.. I felt as if I was on a pink cloud....Then at 3am my time, I was talking and I broke down, I cried all night, I never slept.. This person is living in my head rent free.. and I'm allowing him to do it..
I cried all the next day aswell, I'm getting sicker every day, I'm not eating, sleeping, taking care of Ally... And I know thats not what I should be doing for me.. .
I spoke to my f2f sponsor and told her everything that was going on inside my head and my heart. And we came up with a solutuion to my problem... I have written a letter to this guy, put all my feelings in it since we broke up five weeks ago..I have suffered alone, I didn't know how he was doing...Did he care, was he hurting etc...
Anyway this is for me.. I need him to see what he has done to me, how he has been so cruel to me.. How my life has stopped because he hurt me so bad..
I don't want this to change anything, I don't want anything from him...He is a man, he is responsible for his actions... He is also on a programme.... to be the best person he can be...lmao.......How funny is that..
And maybe in a round about way, when he reads this, It might teach him something about himself he needs to see. And that will help him to become a better person...
We are not put on this life to be someone elses punchbag or whatever..
We DONT dererve to be treated by A's the way they do...
We have to start with our lives and help ourselves to get better.. .
This is something I have to do for me....Or my recovery will be for nothing...Right now, Im not in recovery.. but i hope to get back on the right track very soon...
Please keep trying to hang in there - One Day at a time, One Hour, One Minute, One Second - Breathe in & Breathe out.
Sending thoughts & prayers that your HP will send a blessing to you today - a special message only for you, so that you will know how much you are cherished by Him.
((Hugs))
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Hi Ally, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I hope that by writing the letter, it helps YOU with some closer, even if it doesn't help him. One thing that was/is really hard for me to come to terms with is that, it is not my responsiblity to make my A b/f "get it". If I can just let that go, I feel so much better. In the end it is a relief to know, that it is not my responsibility. I wish I had some better experience, strength and hope. I too am searching for peace of mind for myself.
Take care of you. I wish I could bring you a hot bowl of soup and give you a great big hug.
Leetle wrote: Hi Ally, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I hope that by writing the letter, it helps YOU with some closure, even if it doesn't help him. One thing that was/is really hard for me to come to terms with is that, it is not my responsiblity to make my A b/f "get it". If I can just let that go, I feel so much better. In the end it is a relief to know, that it is not my responsibility. I wish I had some better experience, strength and hope. I too am searching for peace of mind for myself.
Take care of you. I wish I could bring you a hot bowl of soup and give you a great big hug.
I am so sorry to see you are/were hurt so much by your situation. You always seem so chipper when online I had no idea, but the heart is a lonely hunter, as they say. Anyway, I just wanted to chime in here and tell you that you always brighten my day when I see you online, and I miss you when you are not there. I'm almost ashamed to say that in spite of your pain, you often boost my spirit and make me feel good. I really mean that! Have a good time Lourdes, and tell us all about it.
