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My ah actually said that to me! He keeps telling me how he wants to quit and he's not doing very well with quitting and he wishes there was a pill or gum or something like that to help him. And I was like, "GO TO AA! GET A SPONSOR!! START SOME SORT OF PROGRAM!! Sometime I just want to strangle that man!
If there is a "magic bullet" for his alcholism, he's holding the gun and he has to shoot it :D .
Some people have taken Antabuse, and if they really want to quit, it helps a lot to think you'll be throwing up and in agony if you do drink. But lots of people take Antabuse and try to drink anyway. Some CAN drink on Antabuse, doesn't even faze them.
When I worked in chemical dependency we told scary stories about Antabuse and drinking while on it. It's not deadly, you just wish you were dead. But I saw it really help some people who didn't feel strong enough to battle the cravings, it seemed to give them a real concrete reason NOT to drink even if they craved it.
Of course without a program of recovery, just being dry is misery. It's so hard to know what they need and not be able to convince them. I'm truly with you on that one. It is awful just standing back and watching, so I try to do that as little as possible. It's still a struggle for me to not focus on my AH, and look into my own future, which is all I really can do.
Actually there is a pill they just have to take it it's called antabuse!!! Also, they are working on a vaccine for addictions of every kind including food, etc one shot will stop that obsessive behavior. Wish I could find a clinical trial on that one.
I'm with Jrt sweetie. So long as you're focusing on him, you're not working your program. So long as you're living in reguards TO him, your living in reguards WITH him. That means that you're not working YOUR OWN program. And that doesn't do any one any good. Jrt is right. Get a sponsor YOURSELF. Work the steps YOURSELf. Go to meetings--and this in cludes open AA--YOURSELF. Stop focusing on what he's NOT doing,and ask yourself what are YOU not doing?
You've got it just right Minnie. Since there is no easier way,he needs a program and a sponsor. Of course you are concerned about him even though you sometimes want to strangle him. To be otherwise would be inhuman. But think of yourself too. Take care of YOU. Go and see what AlAnon can offer you if you have not already.
I wish you the best,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You know, back when I was a whole lot heavier than I am today (some 70 lbs) I hated it. I didn't want to be that weight anymore. And I wanted and looked for many different "magical" cures! I actually purchased some pills one time that promised to "burn fat while you sleep!"
Boy! lol..... I finally figured out I had to do the work to lose the weight. Change my lifestyle.
The same is true for alcholics. They have to change their lifestyles, no amount of "wishing" will do it for them anymore than "majic" pills lost the weight I lost.
I didn't get from your post that you are obsessing about your hubby, only that you are tired of hearing HIS whining. I don't consider telling someone they need to wake up and smell the roses in response to things they say to you not focusing on yourself either. If you are married you have to communicate in some way. We don't always just have to say, "that's nice dear, perhaps I will help you find a magic pill"...sometimes we can say, "You know what you have to do, why don't you do it?"
Thanks David, you're exactly right. I'm just sick and tired of his whining! :) He knows what he needs to do, he just won't. He's afraid of what people will say to him if they find out...what people will think about him. I don't think he realizes that alcoholism is a disease. I can't honestly say what people, namely our families, would say about his drinking, and at this point I don't care. Them finding out he's an a would be better than us having to explain a divorce (especially to my pastor father) or me explaining to the police why I finally snapped and strangled him :)
Thanks everyone for responding. I know I'm still way too into him and his problems, which is why I'm coming here and praying to God to give me the strength to let him go and focus on myself and my kids.
carolinagirl wrote: Actually there is a pill they just have to take it it's called antabuse!!! Also, they are working on a vaccine for addictions of every kind including food, etc one shot will stop that obsessive behavior. Wish I could find a clinical trial on that one.
My ah took antabuse and got sick and STILL drank with it. It was useless. I wish they could just feel one day of freedom. When it's weeks later and there is no alcohol in their system and they feel great, where things are brighter and food tastes better and people actually seem nicer because your not a bitter dry drunk. THAT'S what I wanted my ah to feel. Now that's he's tasted that, he doesn't want to go back. I hope he stays sober. One day at a time.
