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My A son is in a diversion center trying to get his life straightened out. Him and his wife are going thru a divorce because of my sons drug and alcohol problems. Well my dil called me last night and she said that because my son will not sign the divorce papers and because he will not be paying child-support while he is in this place (4-6 months) I can't see my grandchildren. I am devastated! I never thought she would do this to me. I am looking into hiring a lawyer to see if I have any rights.
And let me tell you about kicking a man when he's down. My active A husband and I got into an argument yesterday morning and he is one that will not speak to you for days. Well when I found this news out last night I went to him looking for support and he laughed at me and told me that I was getting what I deserve! I have tried and tried to make this marriage work but I want out now!
I hate that you are in such a painful situation - I hate that your family is so much pain.
As a grandmother, it is very frustrating & it has broken my heart many times the way that I see my innocent grandchildren used as pawns in these battles. I believe some courts are more open to "grandparent" visitation rights - If your dil is not open to discuss of this issue, this might be something you may need to consider.
Most of all I just want to let you know I empathize with the your situation and hope that you will continue to look for support through your f2f Al-Anon group, MIP, recovery friends, recovery literature and comfort from your HP. You do not have to go through this alone.
May your God grant you serenity, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I think what's really going on, and I think you know this too, is that she's hurting so bad, and she needs to take it out on someone. You're it. In reality, the idea that she's trying to control the kids with money is atrocious. But wwhat she's really saying is "I don't have any support. I don't have any one I can talk to. I don't have any one I can just vent to. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate that I married their father. I hate you too. So, yeah." I know if I were in her shoes, what would make a huge difference would be, if nothing else, just a kind letter. And I do mean kind. Just let her know, and enclose a check, not a huge amount, but a small and simple amount (like $50, something to cover groceries), that you're hurting too. NO pointing finger. NO blaming. NO hating. NO name calling. NO angry words Just love. Just say "I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry he's in this program. I'm sorry the kids don't have their daddy. I'm sorry that you're all alone. Again. I'm sorry you're having to fend for yourself. Again." And, lets just say that NOTHING HAPPENS. That she reads the letter and thinks its a LOAD OF CRAP. You're out what, $50? You've done your part. She knows that she can call and talk to you. That the kids can depend on you. That she can depend on you. That you're hurting too. And, lets say THE WORST POSSIBLE THING HAPPENS. She writes "Return to sender" on it. Or she calls you and lites into you. Still, you've done your part. You've shown love. We can't lose when we love. Love is given and never lost. It's the universal language of energy.
Thank you all for your love and support. Something that I failed to mention in my original post is the my dil is living with another man and she intends to marry this man as soon as she is divorced from my son. She has not tried to hide this fact from my family. My son is devastated and has problems with some of the stipulations she has in the divorce papers. First she doen't want my son to have any visitation until he is off probation from his dui. She also wants my son to pay her $200/wk in child support. My son only makes about $250 per week. It is a shame that she is using my granddaughters as pawns in this divocre.
Grrrr I can not stand when people use their children against other people. What a poor mother she is. Just keep a journal on all your attempts to see your grandchildren. You have EVERY right to see them. I hope you find an attorney. If you can not afford one you can usually go down to the court house and they should have a family court service that can help you. You can fill out your own paperwork. Try and stay strong. Don't let anyone else get you down. Let ALL of them handle their own problems and you only focus on the one "seeing your grandchildren", everything else will be all right. ((((HUGS))))
JulieLynn wrote: Thank you all for your love and support. Something that I failed to mention in my original post is the my dil is living with another man and she intends to marry this man as soon as she is divorced from my son. She has not tried to hide this fact from my family. My son is devastated and has problems with some of the stipulations she has in the divorce papers. First she doen't want my son to have any visitation until he is off probation from his dui. She also wants my son to pay her $200/wk in child support. My son only makes about $250 per week. It is a shame that she is using my granddaughters as pawns in this divocre.
Thank you all,
JulieLynn
Do a google search and look up child support calculations for your state. She can ONLY get what is allowed. IF he only makes X amount of dollars then that's all figured in. She can ask for the moon, it doesn't mean she'll get it. Can you blame her for wanting supervised visitations? I'd have to say I would ask for the same. He will probably have to pay to see his child for an hour. I think it's like $30 an hour or something along those lines. But remember you can not bail him out of his own mess. He's a grown man and needs to take control of them.
Just wanted to send you some love and support. I hope you can find a way to see your grandchildren. Your husband may not be able to support you, but we are always here for you. Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Now I am upset, I did not receive child suport for over a year because my ex just decided not to work until the State was going to throw him in jail, but I never held my children back from any of his family. When he did get a job it was at Butger King, so I still didn't get even close to the full amount. They can only take half their check here, and half a BK ckeck part time isn't much.
I'm glad you son is where he needs to be, focus on some positives. There are allowances made by States for parents that are in rehab, prison. My cousing only had his child suport reduce to $25 a month while in prison ( addiction related).
Before spending money on a lawyer, use your internet to learn as much about your rights as you can. Educate yourself and you will come out on top of revenge every time.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
