The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have 1 sibling - a brother who has been in recovery a short time. I have recently learned to "let go", and am still working on it. For me, letting go means no longer having any expectations, and no longer reaching out. I have always been the one to initiate contact with him, except when he was in jail a short time and wanted to talk. After his release, no more phone calls from him, unless it was to return mine to him. And while he has told my mother numerous times that he knows he hasn't been a good brother, and that he wants to be closer to me, he doesn't act on this. I have finally accepted (well, still working on it) that I can't make him be any different, but I can stop setting myself up to be let down. I can't say I don't still feel pain at times - I still grieve sometimes - but overall I must say that with acceptance has come a sort of peace. Not as much peace as I would like, but I think with time I will feel more. One thing I try to do... when I feel angry, I remind myself to be angry at the disease of addiction, not him. I'd just like to get others thoughts on this, as I've never spoken this openly to anyone about this before. Thanks.
You sound like you could be my daughter! She is struggling with her anger over her brother's disease, and yet she loves him. Very tough. She prays all the time, as we all do, trusting God for him. It is a very ugly and cunning disease....yet we see there is hope. We are trusting God, and have seen Him work miracles. My prayers are with you and your family. I pray you will experience a miracle!
Thanks, Mel. Sometimes I question if no longer reaching out to him is the right thing to do. Then I remind myself that all the reaching out I've already done has amounted to nothing as far as I can tell. And then I say, "Don't give up on him." I do pray for him a lot, and have seen results. First and foremost, I want him to live a healthy, happy life. And if I can't be a part of that, I just have to accept that. I just wish I knew why.
He's my "little" brother - at 34, he's 5 years younger than me. I just remember when he was a little kid, he was so sweet, got his feelings hurt easily, worshipped the ground I walked on, and I could be pretty mean to him. Just being a bratty older sister. I feel so guilty about that, and wonder how much of this is b/c of addiction, and how much might be residual from childhood. So when I think about that, and the fact that I'm now letting go, well, it really hurts sometimes. I sure miss that sweet little boy.
