The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i haven't posted in a while. im up the walls busy with work and play ..lol..
im very proud of myself.... i just realised that in the last number of weeks.
there was a time when all i cud think about was my "A" and HIS life... HIS choices... and MY pain... they HE caused.. or that I allowed him to cause.
i haven't seen or spoken to him since New Yrs eve. thank god. im free... its life a life sentence has been lifted. and the relief of not having to deal with an "A" is unreal.
i posted in early january.. i had gotten a tattoo, booked a girlie holiday and joined a drama club... and in the last few weeks.. i have started re-writing the novel that i had wrote before but stopped when i got with my "A"... im going out more wit friends and going on dates... i believe people refer to it as "living" as to merely "surviving". im happy.
im free of anxiety and stress and im happy. i didnt think i would ever be at this stage in my life.
i had a conversation with a friend last week.. not particularly a close friend..more of an acquaintance.. and when she asked how things were, i said great... and do u know what she said... " so.. u didn't go back to ur ex?" and i said " no i didn't.. i got my life back.. i had to walk away from that situation for my own sanity" and she said "i admire you..alot of people wouldn't have had the strength to leave ya kno" and then she walked off....
so i was left there... to think. and do ya kno what... i did get strength , i found it somewhere, i didn't think i had it in me.. and i cud never imagine my life without my "A"..i loved him with all my heart and soul... i just had to love myself more... and see what i deserved! and i deserve a hell of alot better than him.... coz he didnt respect me.. he wanted a doormat!
my wish for 2007 is that every single person in this room is happy in themselves and in their situation... coz every person deserves to be happy and healthy.
i love each and evry1 of you.... thank you for being there when i needed you.. i will always be here for you if u ever need to talk
That's for the great post! I think a lot of us are burdened not just by the A's behaviour but also by not feeling like there is life beyond one with the A. We have never been involved with anyone other than the A and don't want to be alone. Sometimes we are too willing to stay in the mess rather than be alone. It can be hard to look beyond. To read how you made it over that hump and are enjoying your new life is so good and inspiring to read. How did you survive the early days of making it on your own - emotionally, physically, financially?.....jaja
Wow great ESH Rebecca!!!! You sound so happy. That sure did take strength. Your friend was right, many do not find the strength to leave. I am married to an A, makes it a little more difficult to leave, with the house & rest of our joint assets. No kids, but lots of 4 legged critters. I did file for a divorve about 3-4 years ago, then changed my mind. I was no where near ready. I am working my program, getting healthier, happier, more serene. I used to think in terms of black or white, this will work ONLY if he quits drinking. Looking back,that was pretty silly. But it was where I was then in my mind. Now, I am finding that I CAN stay married & still have my own life!!!! It is not for every one & every situation is different. I found what had to change was MY attitude! I see a big change in him since then. We have our rough times as does every relationship, but like my insanity moments, they are fewer & further between! Glad you are happy, we ALL deserve it no matter whether we choose to stay or go!!! I wish all of us a happy, healthy, serene 2007!!! Love you all!! Debbie
Yes Rebecca, we CAN do it! I am so happy for you that you have found your way. Keep that chin up and keep one positive foot in front of the other! Congrad's!
