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OK this came up before, but last night was the first time I really spoke up about it. The A takes pain medication, quite a long history of it. The doctor switched to Methadone. The A doesn't take that so much. The A has been stockpiling the leftovers, has a significant ammount. Occaisionally talks about selling it, all the money he could make. I don't know if he's serious, so I usualy ignore it. Says it again, last night, and I say "Are you really going to do that?" He says no. He's going to sell it to someone he knows who knows people I am quiet for a bit then I say "It doesn't bother you to put that stuff out there?" And he is instantly very defensive, says it's not a drug like the others, it's not addictive, it doesn't get you high. But I would like to disagree, I tried a half of one for a headache. I have no tolerance for opiates and I got down right loaded. He says I didn't. I think I did but I didn't because I don't know what I'm talking about. So I show him (God bless the internet) new research about methadone on the streets. The high number of fatal overdoses from poeple who take it and have NO TOLERANCE FOR OPIATES. There is a big boom in amphetamine users that balance uppers and downers. He's right, he could make a little bit of money. He thinks just recovering addicts will use it. Says that I am "mouthing off" to him when I try to point these things out. WHat does it matter anyway. Let him sell them, I hope he gets busted. Probably wont though. So the thing is, this is totally not the man I married at all. He was active, dedicated to NA/AA and clean living. I valued that. I found it attractive and productive. We have evicted room-mates who did less stuff then he's doing now. He would never have tolerated someone selling thier medication. WHat the H*LL happened? It's like his morality just sort of blurred up and went away. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this realization. Some of the same crazy logic has been used in my home, before we split. The ethical and moral boundaries play an important role in my life, and I couldn't tolerate that behavior kind of behavior.
Of course, I married before being in program, and the progressive nature of the disease steamrolled its course. Now, in a serene home -- except when I don't go to meetings -- those boundaries are never crossed. That is my choice on my path with HP. Deciding what the best course of action can be tough, but I want to urge you to keep the focus on you, and by all means, stand up for your values. One day at a time, my friend.
love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I have a dear friend whose dh drug of choice is methadone. It is very addictive. When he runs out he goes through massive withdrawls that the doctor told my friend are very dangerous. He has them prescribed for pain, but of course, he cannot control how much he takes.
I appreciate CJ's advice. My own dh had lost most of his morals, too. I stood up to him, and with sobriety he has found them. This disease has no care for right or wrong. It just destroys.
Use your tools and keep your witts about you. That's what I try to do. I read every day and try to stay connected with my HP.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Yeah, hopefully this is one of those things that gets talked about but never actually happens. My dilemma is, when do I let him live his life and when do I stand up for what I believe is wrong?
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
((((jamie)))) This may be the hardest part of our growth process, deciding where we stand and when not to back down.
I stand up for my values when his life and mine coincide. I am learning to be ok with the little things. I don't have to have the bed made my way or the wood chopped just so, but I will not allow someone to ask me to lie, cheat, steal, etc. I have the right to say "This is unacceptable in my life."
We codependants somehow get to a point of squabbling over the things that don't matter and then let ourselves get raked over the coals on things that do. We get all worked up over the tiolet seat up/down, but lie to his boss or hide something really bad for them, and think nothing of it.
Before I let my dh come back home, I made it very clear that I would no longer lie for him or cover up for him. He has a real issue with honesty, but is working hard on it, and I have learned to give no quarter on the subject. Esp since we have children who will learn thier values from the example we set.
We all have to make our own decision about what is acceptable in our lives and what is not. Then we find a peaceful moment and decide what to do from there.
I am finding that the answer presents itself when I need it, so I try to leave it alone until then. I guess thats where ODAAT comes in.
-- Edited by Jen at 14:17, 2007-03-04
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
