It's okay to have hope, just not expectations. You are doing the right thing by continuing to set boundaries and do what you need to do take care of yourself and your children both financially and emotionally. The positive things that are happening to him are in part the result of the changes you are making in your life. Keep up the good work!

"Tell him this "If you can stay sober and keep this job for one year then we will talk" and let him live on hope for a change"

Wow, that is powerful. What it means to me is putting more of "his" problems back on him instead of taking his burden upon myself.

I have a small farm 'in the making', and live in a very remote part of north Idaho where there is two feet of snow from November to mid-March. I am five feet one inch tall, and built strong but I am not a man with a man's strength. For me, it isn't the temptation of money and security for my kids like it is for you. It's his strength and building abilities, stuff that is VERY helpful on a farm.

When I get terrified that I can't do this by myself, my AH starts looking pretty good to me, problems/unpredictability/lack of foresight and all.

So I've decided in my more lucid moments to make this farm something I CAN do myself, without depending on him. My hopefulness for reunion with my A is something I don't really trust in myself just yet. My desperation is not a good judge of what I need to do. And this man is too the love of my life, by whom all others are compared.

My goal, whether or not my A comes back or not, is to be able to run this place without HIS help or presence. This may not be realistic, and I have to face that his addiction has sounded the death knell to my dream. But I am sure going to do my best anyway :) . If I can get my life to where I do not "have" to depend upon such an irresponsible man, then I will feel safe and my "hope" will not keep me on the roller coaster. This is what I hope.

Some prospectives on hope:
 HOPE--
 Hang On, Peace Exists!
 Hearing Other People's Experiences
 ....is the feeling that the feeling you're feeling isn't forever.

 I think what you're really asking is "Why is it that I just can't slice him outta my life like I slice fat off a chicken?" Or, more to the point, "Why is it that I can't 'just get over it?'"
 I didn't really connect how much I forced myself to "get over things" until I watched an OLD episode of Judging Amy. Vincent had almost been blown up in a van rigged with dynamite, and was recovering in a hospital. Amy, in a decision reguarding custody for a 4 year old of parents who  had lost their 6 month old son to meningitis, said, angrily "We are human beings living in the world. We cannot simply pick up and go on from major events. We have to realize how frail we are and honor that."
 But we live in a world where we are disgusted by people that "feel" their feelings, that "honor" their feelings, and "need" themselves to be "honest." We think it's "awesome" how people are "indistructible" how they "just keep going" and "don't blink." We think that we all should be like that.
  Having been there, done that, got the Tshirt from the psych unit, I can say it's more detriment than merit. It's more pain than purpose.
 We are not, as "Judge Grey" said, meant to simply "Go on." "get over it." "Just gloss over." Whatever.  That's why I watch the words "get over it" "fix it" "just do it" for me. If for no other reason, those are my "codependent code words" saying I'm not being honest with myself. Not saying what I need. Not saying what I really feel. Or not being loved with honesty.