I said it MEAN!!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

I said it MEAN!!!!

QOD · ~*Service Worker*~

I have found that my AH says hurtful things to me when he is hurting and can't express them any other way then to lash out at me. Usually some time passes and the arguement/disagreement gets forgotten and things smooth back out. Sometimes it takes longer than others but it always happens.

It is easy to forget ourselves and lash out at the A b/c of something they have done or not done that hurts us or our loved ones. We are only human. Take it easy on yourself, find some time to treat yourself special. As all things do, this too will pass.

Good Luck to you.
Sincerely,
QOD

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't see what it is that you said that was mean. Sounds like you set a boundary more than anything else. He's the one who messed up obviously. I have seen many of your posts about him letting his kids down and that hurts them as much or more than not seeing him at all. He chooses the choice he chooses the consequence.

babysteps · Senior Member

I would use the steps. Take inventory of the situation and make amends where you feel it is warranted.

irish54 · Senior Member

Have to agree with Babysteps here. I would(am) doing that too .... and also taking it a little easy on me too. After all, I'm human too and I hurt too.

Easy does it ... it will be ok.

Love and Hugs,
Irish

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

((Gailey))

Hate that you had such a difficult situation with your son - especially with the granchildren there also. He!! hath no fury like a grandmother protecting those sweet babies.

And probably it was a combination of everything - yes, you can forgive yourself for maybe not handling it in the most appropriate way - but maybe some boundaries still need to be set.

Maybe can you journal your feelings about the situation & see if there is some underlying fear about it? Maybe could you talk to your son, when both of you are in a better state of mind - try something along the lines of "I apologize for not handling the situation in an appropriate manner. If you would still like to visit with the kids at our house, I would like to discuss that with you to see if we can reach an agreement that all of us can accept."

Oh, and I don't think You are hurting the children if he doesn't visit - remember You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. If he really wants to spend time with his kids - he will find a way. I don't believe that's about you - That's about HIM.

Hope your day is filled with peace my friend,
Rita

evey · Veteran Member

Gailey,

You're human! Don't beat yourself up. You should be proud that you are able to stand up to this disease and have stepped up for your dil and grandchildren.

evey

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

What an awful boundary to have to follow, I understand it, but it really puts YOU in the middle.

This is one of those times that Al-Anon really prepares us for, take yourself out of the situation for a minute and how would you answer this post?

You may have said what what you meant, and probably only sounded mean to you, because a mother had to say it to a son. He may be mad, but he brought this on himself. When he gets into recovery, he will understand.

Josey

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