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Hey guys!! I have not been around in a while!! Things WERE going pretty well there for awhile!! Of course NOW....OMG!! I dont know what to do where to go who to turn to....I guess I need opinions!! See my Hubby lost his job after coming clean about his drug use and had a HORRIBLE time finding a new job....just started last week!! We were behind before when I lost my job in November!! So NOW we are REALLY behind!! I have asked my parents for help, they cant help us!! My dad actually JUST lost his job and he was more than 50% of the income!! We have asked my IN-LAWS and my FIL wants to help but my MIL is saying NO and threated him with divorse if he helped us!! We are in REALLY deep!! Both of our cars are in danger of being repoed, and we are 2 days from papers being filied for eviction!! We have BEGED my MIL to help us but she tells us to pray!! I understand preying!! I do!! But I dont think preying will help us!! I have been trying to rely on faith ALL this time and have been doing a GREAT job at it!! I have felt GREAT and I felt like we were getting through this and starting to move on from the adiction and bad habits!!!! My husband has been going to meetings and staying clean!!!! His mom has been going to Alanon meetings (the reason I really cant and wont go!! She is an alcoholic and she needs to address HER problems and STOP playing that she is the victim in all of this!!!!) and says that by helping she is enabling his adiction!! IS THIS TRUE???? By her helping with the bills is that enabling what he WAS doing???? We are both trying, I got another job but it pays less and his job pays considerably less....we CANT pay bills!!!! My phone is cut off his will be by the end of the week, and who knows when our cable will go!! I mean it is BAD!! Am I crazy to be angry that she WONT help when she can????
You can get some things shut off. You can get your computer shut off, no more cable and no phone. Sometimes there are places in your area like Salvation Army or charities or churches that will help you catch up and at least save your place to live. Call some churches and ask. Usually the bigger churches have more resources. You have to understand other's posistions in the matter. It's perfectly understandable for them to not help out. It's not really their place to help out. You got yourselves into this mess and it's up to you to get yourselves out. It does suck. We have been there numerous amounts of times. We somehow survive. Do you have children? There are more outlets for you if you do. If you don't, you might have to live out of your car for a while until you can save up and start new. First I would look into govt assistance. Stuff like this happens with an alcoholic and if they do not get help it will happen again and again and again. I hope not for you. Good luck. Your in my prayers.
Not to be ungreatful about your responce and yes I understand, however, we DONT make enough to live BUT we dont qualify for government help. We do have a child. I never thought of asking a church, I can try that, but correct me if I am wrong alcoholism and adiction IS a disease just like cancer correct?? Just like bipolar or heart disease?? Right?? So if we were under these circumstances because my husband was sick with cancer it would be the same?? Some how I dont think so!! Some how maybe the term disease is used too loosely!?!? Please dont take this the wrong way....maybe you have been there done that, but I LOVE my husband!! I LOVE our family and he is trying!! Is my ONLY option out of this mess to leave him cause he made a mistake that he was born with?? The predisposition of substance abuse?? So because he is sick I should wash my hands of him?? Move on without?? I dont understand!! What happen to loving people unconditionally?? If someone has aids should they be unloved?? I mean after all THEY did it to themselfs!!!! They had unprotected sex!! Hear of condoms?? They give them out free at the clinic down the street!! I know this sounds harsh and hostile and I appologize but I am trying to understand this!! I dont get it!! What makes the situations mentioned above different than what we are going thru?? I know they are under NO obligation to help out!! But if you can WHY would you NOT?? I guess you shouldnt give to charities either then!! I mean the people who were victims of katrina well they knew hurricanes could hit and they were told to evacuate!! Understand the double standard?? I just DONT get it!! What makes the difference?? IF it is in fact a disease!!!! I'm sorry!! I'm just SO upset and angry and in disbelief!!!! They can help, my FIL WANTS to!! But my MIL is throwing a fit!! How dare she judge US when she is just as sick if not sicker than my husband?? She has yet to admit she has a problem!! How can she judge him for the things he has done?? OH so her adiction never effected them montarily cause she is a stay at home mom and her kids are all out of the house!! So she is a TV junkie ALL day long!! I dont understand!! I can live without my phone and computer and even romen noodles but we NEED a HOUSE and a CAR so we can work!!!! I'm NOT asking to pay off the cable bill so I can keep the internet access or pay to get my nails done or anything like that!! I guess I am asking too much right?? So we are going to be homeless and she doesnt care!! WOW!! That is a true story of family helping family out!!!! Sorry to offend anyone but I am just sick right now!! I cant see straight and I'm having a hard time understanding!!!! I dont mean anyone any person harm by what I have said I just want to understand this so I can put things into prospective so I can see what the next step is!!!!
Hi Klynn, I am sorry you are going through such a hard time now. Please take the time to stop and breath. You may not want to hear this right now, but you can't control anyone, let alone your MIL. I know it is extremely hard to do in the moment, but try to trust in your higher power, that he/she sees another way out of this situation. One that doesn't include your MIL. You and your family are in my good thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted!!
I hate that you are having difficult time right now. You are at the right place to get your emotions out - feelings are neither good, bad nor ugly - it's how we react to those feelings that can cause us difficulties.
I think it is awesome that your AH is working on his recovery - that is great. Hope that both of you will continue that path.
Step 1 says that we are powerless over alcohol-that our lives have become unmanagable.
Not only have I learned that I am powerless over alcohol, but I am also powerless over people, places, and things. Your MIL has set a boundary. You may not agree with that boundary, but for you to have any serenity in your life, you will probably need to work on accepting that boundary. An important part of acceptance is knowing that just because I accept something doesn't mean I AGREE with it.
At this point, you probably aren't going to be able to change your MIL's mind about the financial assistance. You have the ability and the right to vent your emotions, feelings, frustrations in a healthy manner to another recovery person (like on this board, to your sponsor, etc.) but then afterwards it usually helps to "Live and Let Live".
Sweetie, you still have to "Live" - I don't have any magic answers for you - just have what the program has taught me to do in overwhelming situations. The "Next Right Thing" - whatever that may be - explore some of the options for other charitable donations, possibly a second job, overtime hours, tax refund, and focus on what you & your H can do to help this situation not what your MIL isn't doing.
At least that might help you feel a little more peace on the inside.
Don't forget to "Breathe"
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
