The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Update... I have been on a mission to get laid as of late and finally accomplished that mission last weekend. I had it so worked up in my head how wonderful it was going to be and now I find myself missing my husband. I thought I knew what I wanted, no relationship, just have fun, etc. But now I realize that I had built it up in my mind and it was a let down of monumental proportions. I am torn now between wanting a loving relationship or just having a fling here and there (a good one). I am scared to attempt a serious relationship and find myself sabotaging all the potentials. I keep coming back to my hubby in my mind because we had such a strong connection and great sex as well, I know he really loved me...he just loved the alcohol more. I guess I'm just disappointed that it was empty and meaningless and horrible too ;) I want to find a companion but not all the things that go along with a "serious" relationship. I know I should just sit back and let whatever happens happen. Meet people, do what I'm gonna do and see where it leads. I guess I don't really need to know what I want do I?
Much to think about. Moving on mentally, physically & emotionally....when are we really ready? Well, I will tell you what I plan on doing now that my AH is out of the house. Concentrating on me and the kids. Forget about searching for someone to fill his shoes or bed so to speak. I can imagine what you must have been going through, taking that next step - the physical one. I have only ever been w/my AH and have often wondered what else was out there. But ya know, I find I don't want to know. It is actually more scary to me than being alone. At least for right now. Thanks for sharing. Sincerely, QOD
QOD... Just curious.... how long have you been seperated from your husband? And How long were you together?
Moving on is never easy even when there isn't alcohol involved. My previous (father of my oldest 2 boys) wasn't an alcoholic, just a jerk... but still even after I left, had had enough, yada yada.... I found myself comparing others to him.... but glad I didn't make the step to go back.... Not that my current situation is great.. lol just saying no matter what when you love someone, change isn't easy... <hugs>
Just take some time for yourself.... time to find who you are :)
Don't beat yourself up, carolinagirl. Give yourself time. So your first encounter wasn't magical like you had hoped. Don't get discouraged. I am sure there is another person out there besides your exAH that will be just as satisfying to you and likely even more. It is an adventure, stay positive...sending you good thoughts for the next encounter to really rock !!
I went on a date last year. The guy was great, there was nothing I could find fault about him: he had his own business, he was very sweet and attentive and a real gentleman. And he also had a son, and he was attracted to me. But I still found myself sending my ex a message, when I got home telling him that regardless of everything I still love him. I think I felt guilty. Guilty even though I hadn't even done anything with this guy. I mind kept going back to my ex no matter how hard I tried. I think this is because I tend to think 'if only for the alcohol things would be fine. If only he'd choose me and give the alcohol up.' I know now that that is an excercise in futility. It won't get me anywhere. It takes time to move on. Especially from the father of your child. And you won't find 'the one' right away. But when you do it will be worth it! It will happen when you are not looking for it. That's why I think Al-anon is so great. If you focus on you then you won't waste time on trying to make things happen that are out of your control: like making someone stop drinking, or finding a good partner. Do you ever watch the TV show 'Men in Trees'? I have been feeling a lot lately like I want to be with someone, too, but I want all the closeness that you share with a partner that you have known for a long time, right away! I want to skip the horrible dating, sifting through the bad ones to get to the good ones, starting over again.. I want Mr. Man to just appear on the couch with me and put his arm around me and cook me dinner and hug me in bed. (Yes, I'm not being serious). I think marriage between 2 'normal' people is probably hard enough, without other 'issues' being brought into it like Aism. I'm ready to have an equal partnership.
I've had "empty sex" before, I know exactly what you mean by that! My conclusion for myself was it was empty because I didn't get what I wanted . . . I wanted to be cherished.
Carolina i was celibet for more than ten years. I honestly fought them off.
I wanted to grow up, I worked on me. If you don't know what you want, then you don't know. So do what you want to do. Take classes. there are some great womens issues classes now. Open your eyes to so many things you never thought about by taking a class or two.
I loved native american literature.
Or go swim in the morning. do for you.
hugs hon, love,debilyn oh and ps. ok my opinion, adultery is never good, it may seem so for awhile but never is satisfying. there is nothing like married love and sex. Just MY Opinion.
Carolina, I too have never been more attracted to anyone as I was my ex A...but I have faith that in time...I will be. The worse thing I can do right now is comparison shop. I try to compare other things rather than the physical attributes. And more often than not, the new person blows my ex-A away in those other depts.
Evaluate what it is you seek. Evaluate what it was you had and miss. All of it.
!!