The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Email: 'if you feel like it please call me at work' Phone: 'Can you talk?' 'No.' Text message: 'I just want to see where we are at, is it over?'
?!@!#$%??? Hello? What planet is he on??
'It feels like it's over but I still love you, is it over?' I reply 'think about everything you've said and done the last 2 months, there will be your answer.'
'Okay, so... it's over?'
Me: [bang head on the wall] 'are you calling/txting me just to make sure I leave you alone, because I have been. You are the one contacting me. Are you calling me so I can concur it's over, to get off your chest how you feel it's over?' [because that ship sailed a long time ago, buddy]
'uuggh oooh grrr oh well you have confirmed it for me then...' 'you are irrational anyway'
Me: 'okay.'
'So... is it over?'
Me: 'AAAAARGGGGGGGG!!!!' [blood boiling, and regreting answering the phone]
This is all so it will be YOUR fault - "I did what I could, tried to reconcile, but she wouldn't even talk to me...."
I'll share with you one of my own most vivid memories - my husband had gotten drunk *every night* for the past two weeks, come home, and starting raging, spent two to three hours screaming obscenities at me at the top of his voice, while the kids cowered and cried upstairs. The night before he had throeatened to kill me. So, there he is the next afternoon, sitting on the couch, and saying, in all seriousness "Well, if you leave, just remember, it's YOU who broke up this marriage - YOU are the one who is throwing in the towel and saying it's over"
The only thing crazier than him is the fact that I stayed...
Isn't this the way it is for most everyone that lives with an A? It's like they think of ways to not have to be responsible for anything before they even do it. They will do or say anything to push the fault on someone else.
The important thing is: you are able to detach yourself enough to know what reality is and recognize that the A is NEVER to blame (lol, or so they think.) Take care of yourself, don't hurt your head on that wall/desk/whatever you're banging it on today, and hold it up high!
Hopefully you will feel empowered by the ability to stick to your guns with your set boundaries (for breaking that cycle and do what you say you are going to do) and be proud of your broad shoulders that you can "take the blame" for wanting a better life for yourself.
I hope you are able to see past the unpleasant times and look forward to the wonderful life you're going to have down the road after you get through all of the frustrations! You are going to be richer and more fulfilled because YOU did it for yourself! :)
