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Post Info TOPIC: the drinking was never the issue


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 260
Date:
the drinking was never the issue



i heard a psychiatrist say.........,
''it is not the alcohol that causes these people to murder, raped, beat, molestand commit crimes.
it is what is inside of themselves that causes this behavior.''
talked to my brother tonight,
and,
he asked,
''how do you handle your husbands drinking.''
i said....,
''i don't.
his drinking is his stuff,
and ,
i am my stuff.
he doesn't beat me,
he has been a good father,
and,
an excellant provider.
his drinking has not caused me to suffer unduly''.
as i said this i realized ........,
i left a violent relationship many years ago because my life and the life of my baby girl was in great danger.
until this day,
i have been haunted with memories of what that man did to me.
suddenly as i was talking to my brother something clicked in my head.......,
the drinking in that relationship was never the issue.
the violence was.
i left him,
not because of his drinking,
but,
because he hurt me very badly.
all of a sudden the idea of detaching oneself from the disease becomes quite clear.
the alcohol did not beat me,
the man did.
the alcohol was never the issue,
the violent, cruel and criminal behavior was.
i really am beginning to enjoy these moments of clarity.

blessings,
jewely

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 143
Date:

Hi Jewley,

I can identify with what you are saying, when I detached from my alcoholic exhusband, who is now dead. It does give you a sense of relief, that the disease is  controlling them.

Although, years later my son revealed that his stepfather had sexually abused him whilst we were still married.

When I was made aware of this, it soon changed my opinion. As my exhusband turned out to be both, an alcoholic and an abuser.

Be Happy!
Barbs.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 580
Date:


(((((((jewely)))))))

i really am beginning to enjoy these moments of clarity.]


enjoy .    Today is a good day   so glad your here!  a wondrful reminder for ME,  thank you.    being "alive"  and learning to love your *self.  what a good feeling.  i enjoy too the learning about myself and the healthy ways to detach and enjoy life... its new and its exciting (inside of me.)  i always like it when i notice/ when i see the lil' changes taking over to empower me towards a more healthy mindful of thought.   i want to live, i want to love me and i want to love my family...in healthy ways for both of us.   i am learning each day a new way to do this.  HP/God be with me  (HP/God be with Jewely)    as I--we walk through this "journey" of life.

enjoy and keep in mind this "moment of clarity"....jewely.  may it make you smile within yourself as you go thru this day .,and tomorrow and tomorrow  and the next day and the next.

Keep Looking uP       Keep Moving Forward      


So glad your here~ Keep Coming Back.   Keep Looking uP   

ODAAT  (One Day at a Time) ~ make it your canvas~



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3131
Date:

oh Jewely I am sooooo glad you GOT IT!!!!  I learned that a long time ago too. I did not mind the using at all as it was none of my business. The smell did not bother me anymore. I liked to just be with him.

But sadly he was a crabby drunk before some. But after the surgery he changed and was a horrible monster when he drank and used.

When he was on Heroin, he was himself. He just did enough not to hurt. I did not even know he was on it. I was ignorant. I just thought he was clean and in recovery again.

One day at a time hon. Becuz as the disease progresses it can really cause some horrible side effects that will change him.

Enjoy him while you can.

so happy for you. It will make things so much nicer. You have seen yet another miracle that was waiting for you!! love,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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