The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Right now I'm stuck in a valley I got married over a month ago and moved quite a distance from my family. I knew that this time would be hard, but the forknowledge of that hasn't eased my feelings.
I've been in /AlateenAl Anon since I was a teenager. However, I really didn't start my recovery in earnest until a year and a half ago. I experienced a lot of growth, but lately I've been backsliding. When I was still living with my family I always focused on my father as the source of our household angst. Now that I'm married I'm seeing that I'm the source of the angst in my new home. There is no one to blame, there is just me. I promised myself that my marriage wouldn't be plagued with useless dysfunction. Of course I was being naive lol. Despite my progress I realized that I'm still holding onto a lot of old baggage. I find myself overreacting to little things and picking fights with my husband. After it's over and I calm down I start feeling ashamed. As a result I've gotten into a lot of stinking thinking about myself. Anytime I have a slip I mentally beat myself up. I find myself depressed and angry that I'm not 100% and living up to my expectations. That coupled with my feelings of homesickness have taken a toll. There are times when I'm alone that I'll sit and cry. I feel so helpless and wonder if I'll ever get back on track. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling like this.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share this with you all.
Let me share a little story with you A&R. I was a young wife and Mom of a year-ols son when my husband came home one day and announced, with quite a bit of excitement, that wewere going to be moving to Albuquerque. I am a Delaware girl, and Albuquerque seemed like a million miles away. I was used to having my mom babysit, and other family members close by. I didn't know how I would ever survive. The three of us drove across the country, and I phoned Mom every night when we stopped traveling for the day. I was lost and alone in a strange land. After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived in the wild, wild, west, and rented a home whilst ours was being readied. It was "furnished," but "furnished" did not include a tv or a radio. Soon after our arrival, my husband had to go away to South America for a few weeks of training. I didn't know a soul, my son developed allergies to the climate - was sick all the time for a few months. I hated being away from home. I hated EVERYTHING!!!
One day I decided that happiness was going to be what I decided to make of it. Eventually I grew up. Even enjoyed the fact that i had left home and learned about a new part of the country...essentially a different culture. I blossomed...and you will too. Going away from home and family, although it need not be forever, is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your growing process.
Hang in there, dear one. It will get easier. Promise.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hello Alive , well u know what to do to get out of the hole your in get that literature out and read it start doing what it says and it won't take long . The suggestions and principle work in any relationship not just with an A this prog has improved all of my relationships. thanks to al -Anon I am a better wife , mother and daughter and I finally know how to be a friend. Get back on track enjoy that new marriage and find a meeting or 3 for you . goodluck Louise
Gosh I can relate very much. I can say at times I have time and opportunity to work the program and at times I dont. I have to go with the way my life is rather than what I think it should be.
I don't think there is anything harder than getting expectations right. I know in any new situation (like my new job) I set myself up a lot. I set the bar too high for myself then beat myself up over it. Whatever way I decide I am not going to coulda woulda shoulda creeps in there.
I am glad you are here. I came from an alcoholic totally dysfunctional home. I had much much grief about it for years. ACA helped me (we have a group here) and other groups helped me. I still grieve some.
Yes I agree with the others. Especially get yourself to meetings!! It would be a great way to help your recovery plus you may meet someone you "click" with. We all need friends. Life is so very, very hard.
Have you started YOUR interests what ever they are? Maybe you can take a class in something you are into. What is your passion?
In my experience, my passion is animals. I have an animal sanctuary, retired now. But still have a lot of critters I love and care for. That keeps me going. I love to read too.
When it is nice out I love to build things. Moved into my bunkhouse and am expanding it and adding huge windows. I feed the birds, hang my windchimes...have flowers, just really give myself my life.
We only have one you know. I am sure it goes on past this reality, but want to make the best of this one that I can. I also am into the Bible. love to read it and it is my guide.
So hon, what are your passions? What do you want for you? keep coming. i want to hear more. love,debilyn
Thank you all so much for the encouragement! After posting I did some reading and looked up information on meetings in the area. I decided that just for today I would concentrate on not beating myself up so much and simply being grateful
Again, thanks for taking time to share with me. It has helped more than you all know
I just wanted to welcome you, let you know that you are not alone and tell you that if you get to meetings, read the literature, practice the principles, you will begin growing in phenomenal ways.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, The journey of 1,000 miles begins with but a single step. Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I just wanted to say "Welcome," to MIP. Alanon is a wonderful program. The tools (program) will help you to change your life for the better. it takes the focus off of others and helps guide to focus on your own inner spiritual growth and your daily life, one day at a time (odaat.) the experience, strength and hope (es&h) here is priceless. your in the right place!
I got married over a month ago and moved quite a distance from my family. I knew that this time would be hard, but the forknowledge of that hasn't eased my feelings.
own inner spiritual growth 
and your daily life, one day at a time (odaat.) the experience, strength and hope (es&h) here is priceless. 
your in the right place!